HIS glory...not mine

So I don’t really have a plan for what I am about to write, but I figured it is about time for an update.
At first being back here at CIU was really hard. It felt like an adjustment all over again. We did some rearranging. Yay for bunk beds! Classes took a little getting use to, but I absolutely love them. I am taking New Testament, which is at 8am and I have gone to looking very nice all prepared for the day, then I have gone with sweat pants and wet hair, and last week—waking up 30 min before class—I opted to put on a baseball cap and sweatshirt go to the cafe eat breakfast then after class I showered. Actually that last scenario was the best…more sleep and food!
My two favorite classes are Biblical Foundations for Life & Ministry and Foundations for Youth Ministry. In Youth Min. I have gotten a free Latte and brownies…so of course it is a favorite :) . The other class is for my major (FACE) and it has been absolutely amazing. I am learning more and more about my faith and what is the basis for my relationship with the Father.
I am not going to lie, not this last week, but the week before was such a hard week. I was processing so many things and God was pointing out so much in my life. I realized how I had convinced myself that I had given God control of certain areas of my life, but in reality I was holding the reigns. What a humbling reality it was to realize how I was lifting my self up instead of seeing God as the healer that He is. I was trying so desperately to figure out things in my life, no wonder I was having a hard time seeing hope. I am reminded of a passage in Hosea:

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. (2:6)
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. (2:14-15)

God blocked my path and left me staring at the reality, that I was taking control from Him and how that was only harming me. But the amazing thing is that he allured me (how intimate that is!) and he spoke tenderly to me and with His words He showed me the hope I have. It is such a daily thing for me to give Him control. But, how amazing He is and how great is His love for us!
Okay so the night after this came to my attention we had our monthly dorm meeting. My RA, Sarah, was teaching. She had us write down on paper 4 words, what, how, why, and then vertically who. On another piece of paper we wrote is it worth His glory? Sometimes we know the what, we know the how, but we aren’t sure about the why. God says go here and do such and such, the what is given, and how to get there, but we don’t understand sometimes why God is calling us to go somewhere or to face something. But we know the who and that is God. So the question is, is it worth God’s glory? In our lives, every little thing we do, is it worth His glory? YES, yes it is worth His glory! God’s glory—the way He makes Himself known or shows His might.
In my life I can see what is going on and how all of it is being orchestrated by God, but I don’t fully understand why it is that I have to walk through this longer than what I thought or why things couldn’t be different, but it is so worth His glory.
Glory doesn’t come at the end of a trial, it is found in every step you walk with God through that trial. We need to give Him complete control and allow Him to work through us for His glory.
So this is where the song I posted before this comes into play. “I’ll fall facedown as your glory shines around”

There is so much more God has been showing me, but I hate for this blog to be so long that no one reads it. So maybe another time I will share. I realize this was much more of a serious blog than me letting you know all the happenings around campus…hope you don’t mind!

More to come,
The college girl

"Facedown"

Wanted to share this with you all because it has meant so much to me since I heard Leslie sing it in Chapel a couple of weeks ago.
More to come later,
The college girl

Goals make me ask why

WRITTEN JANUARY 6TH-ISH

I leave for school tomorrow, so I figured I should jump into what I had put off all break…making goals. I am noticing how different this coming semester is going to be schedule wise and trying to weave working into it. I won’t lie, I am quite anxious to see how this will all play out. Besides realizing simple things such as that, through my goal writing I noticed lessons I had learned over break. I would like to take a minute to share these with you.

Sleep: It is very important. All break I have got quite a bit and am curious to see how getting up on Wed. at 7 will pan out. How much sleep you get can determine how your day goes. It determines how friendly, effective, and initiative you are.
In-touch: I realized how sweet and important my relationships are here at home. I saw how much I take for granted those who were once such a huge part of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I think of them so often, but they don’t know I am thinking of them. A quick note, a phone call, or a nice email that is all it would take to say to someone you are just that important that even though my life is headed in a different direction I still cherish what we have.
My stuff: It is enriching to have something you love to do and actually do. Hobbies aren’t a joke; they are what your heart needs. If you have talents than use them. Use them to touch others if you will, but do something you enjoy for yourself.
God & Me: How very crucial it is to take time to get alone with God. Daily quiet times with Him are so good. But sometimes we need more than a quick time with our Father. It is so sweet to sit with Him with no time constraints and just pour your heart out to Him. Word of caution—Satan doesn’t want this. Satan is going to tempt you to put this time off, but please don’t because it is needed.
Be Present: My comfort is found here in Charleston. I have influence here and I have friendships with deep roots, but this is only a stop for now. My place right now is found in Columbia and for the next four years it will be there. I am to be present there. What does that exactly mean? That means I should be making deep roots there, pouring into others, knowing that I have everyone in Charleston in my heart, but that my heart is at CIU. This has been such a hard lesson for me because when I come home I need to be present here also. I encourage you this year to really take this phrase and ask if you are present in every role of your life. If you are truly being present where you are, then you are most likely giving your best.
Give your best: We had Jim Caviezel (guy who played Jesus in The Passion) at Seacoast today and through his testimony I was reminded that I am to give my best for the cause of Christ. Jim suffered unbelievably much during the filming, but to think that his suffering was not even to the level that Christ suffered, spoke volumes to my heart. Christ endured so much for us. Which makes me question why I am even hesitant to tell a friend what this man did for them. I am looking forward to my evangelism class because that is an area of my life that I really need to grow in. Christ did not die for me so that I would hide His story from others.
Pursue: I am the type of person that always hesitates to pick up the phone and call someone because I role-play the whole conversation in my head. And of course I think of all the ways I can mess the conversation up or how awkward it might be. So I was really shocked when in the spur of the moment I call up a friend from CIU and meet this person for lunch. We don’t talk a lot at school, but are always friendly towards each other. Lunch lasted for two and a half hours! Man was I glad I took that risk. When meeting new people or wanting to get to know someone better, just do it! Pursue relationships that are going to grow you in your walk with Christ.

The college girl

A little something I wrote

At the foot of the cross

I caught a glimpse of me walking up a hill lugging a couple bags behind me. My face is splattered with complaints and hard toils. I walk up the hill talking to this man that I am told can help me. I walk with my eyes fixed to the ground because I am scared I will twist my ankle. But my eyes soon meet a post and as my eyes look up to see what is in my path, my mouth opens with astonishment and my knees hit the rocks and dust. This is the man I have been told about that I have brought my bags to so many times. I sit there in the dust with my bags at my side. This man, this man I know I have met before. But oh what a mess he is. It is as if his body has been dipped in the dye of grapes. A chill of guilt ran over my body as I realized that those nails that bloodied his feet were because of me. That his crown of thorns that bore into his head were not his, they were mine. Those nails, his sweat was because of me. I kneeled there in the dust ashamed of my problems ashamed that I was once again bringing them to him so unthankfully. How selfishly I have lived, how unwillingly I am to take my true burdens and leave them at the cross. I reach my hand out and place them on his swollen feet and pull them away looking at them palm up blood red with my sin. My mind says run hide because of your shame, but my heart keeps my body still. This man looks down at me with blood trickling down his nose and says, “You are forgiven, my love”. Mercy brought me to my filthy feet and forgiveness compelled me to walk a different way leaving my burdens at the foot of the cross.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-24

His presence, His love—He gave his life so we could have. God wills for me to have a joyful spirit. A spirit that has lately been buried deep within me, not shining like it should. My flesh is winning, and is squelching the fire with in me. My mind is being overcome by the enemy and evil shows in subtle ways. But now I am choosing to break free. No more believing lies, no more clinging on to things not lasting, I stand with God in the Truth. And I long for Him to sanctify me. My joy is in Him and I am choosing my grip on this evil to now be upon what is good. My flesh fails me, but my God is faithful. How beautiful He will make these ashes. I owe Him my joy, my prayers, and my gratitude. How selfish it is to keep my life for myself when He willingly gave His.