Hey there! Its been a long time I know. I had to write a letter to my church giving an update on my semester so I figured I would share bits and pieces of it so you could be updated. So here it is:

I would like to start by giving you a bit of background information. This summer I ended up living in Columbia instead of going back home to Goose Creek. It was a very hurried decision and thankfully God provided a place for me to live with people who have always been like grandparents to me. Looking back on this summer I can say that there is something sacred about it. I had great support from friends and the people I was living with. However I felt like a lot of the time it was just God and I. There were many bumps through out the summer such as the sudden death of my grandmother. I read a great book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead, which God used to breath life into my heart. Through the transition, times of loneliness, dealing with loss, struggling with the past, and sweet times, God was present teaching me and showing me more of His character. I feel like God took the three months of summer and multiplied them greatly, I am not sure I can write this letter without including this part of my journey.

This past summer I got a job at Starbucks, and I decided to continue working there a few hours a week during the school year. God continues to confirm that it is a place He wants me. Not that I would tell my manager this, but working at Starbucks is my ministry. I work with amazing lost sinners. I get choked up thinking about it. I go to work, as I am, sometimes not in the best of moods. I don’t pretend to have it all together and allow my co-workers to see me for who I am. They know I am a Christian, and I believe they know that I would never judge them or look down upon them. God has given me such a heart for these people. When they are dealing with hard things in their life, my heart hurts for them. All I can do is pray and continue to show interest in their life and show them that I care. Not all of the people I connect with in this way but there are the handful that God has given me a burden for. Several times this summer small opportunities came up to share a piece of my faith with a couple of them. And I have loved seeing these relationships grow.

Transitioning back to school this semester was not the easiest. I had plenty of expectations for myself, only to find that my expectations were unrealistic and were not the ones God had in mind. My thought process was that last semester I had a really hard time with my studies because of life circumstances, but I had all summer to spend processing through things, so I would be ready to go at high gear. I was wrong. I was struggling to pour the amount of energy I wanted to into being an on-campus student at CIU. I found grace from the school and professors that were willing to work with me and pray for me. There is definitely value in asking for help and how thankful I am for those in leadership at CIU.
Not to just portray the hard circumstances because there are so many rewards and highlights to my school life. One of the classes I am currently taking is Hermeneutics, in which we go to class only to get a project to work on in the library. The projects are to teach us to dive into the Bible, research the Greek/Hebrew meanings of words, study the context of passages, and the history in which the assigned Bible passage was written. The projects are extremely time consuming, but very valuable in learning to be a student of the Word. I am pretty certain of sticking with my major, Family and Church Education, but I am now considering focusing (essentially a minor) in psychology. The idea of graduate school to obtain a degree in counseling is a future notion. Whether I go to graduate school or not, I figure psychology would be a good thing to have under my belt when going into ministry.
Dorm life this semester has been a good bit different from last year. I am rooming with one of my friends who I spent a lot of the summer with. We have been through different things together that have caused us to bond. There are many great women on my hall that I have loved getting to know. My roommate from last year and another girl from my hall last year live on the same hall. Between the four of us, we keep each other encouraged. It is amazing to see how God placed me on this hall with girls that have similar things going on in their life. There is such a rich opportunity for ministry, encouraging and exhorting one another. I have found such a great friend in my RA who God has used to become another piece of my inner circle community.

Before I started to write you I thought it would be interesting to read over the past two letters I sent you concerning last school year. I found it interesting how to some extent I am still learning some of the same lessons that I told you about, only in a different way. A friend of mine reminds me that I am not simply going around and around the mountain, but I am going around the mountain and working my way up it in a spiral motion. God lead me into a place of deeper intimacy with Him this past summer and desires for me to follow him into greater intimacy with Him. He continues to heal my heart and reveal more of His character to me. I am learning what it means to give myself grace, after all God has extended His grace to me. Recently God has shown me how the depth of my depravity and weakness, seeing that my strength that I rely on so often is only an illusion. His strength is what provides me with energy when I can’t find any. His strength is not a last resort, but a necessity to fighting for Life. He has also been teaching me what it means to rest, which has been more a struggle for me than I ever would have imagined. I like to be productive and busy, but God’s shown me that I love to rely on my strength to remain busy, instead of rely on Him for rest. Still trying to dwell on these things as God shows me more.
While in talking with someone God gave me such a clear picture of where He wants me. Two words describe this place, pure weakness. Pure weakness is not a place like I had been thinking, but it is Christ. After all He was pure weakness while He hung on the cross. It is relying on Him completely, being completely satisfied in an intimacy with the Father. God was quick to point to what was stopping me from living in pure weakness, that being sin. You see there is this wall, on one side is Jesus and on the other side is me. I am perfectly fine and strong. However the wall is my pride, knowing there are areas of my heart God needs to touch but I won’t let him. I shut him out by building this wall. In my picture Christ comes through the wall and reaches his hand out to my chest and touches me. I feel immense pain; I’m scared and uncomfortable. Yet at the same time I feel comfort and love from Jesus as with His other hand He cradles me. I am sitting there and God has led me to a place of repentance. I felt such godly-sorrow. God lead me in love to my sin so that He could do greater work.
I wish I could take you to each place in the past couple of months that God has spoken Truth into my life. He has taken me from looking only to my pain and sitting in despair to focusing on Him and seeing there is hope. I’ve been learning what it is to take heart and that taking heart is actually worth it, for God’s kingdom is coming. 2 Corinthians 4 has been a great encouragement. I have learned to listen to and take my hurts to God allowing Him to restore me. I’m gaining wisdom in the area of boundary setting with other people and with myself, through a class on Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s Boundaries. A quote by Oswald Chambers has been a great challenge to me, “No love of the human heart is safe unless it is fully satisfied in God”. I have seen how much of a difference it makes when I go to God to be satisfied. He can use me more in my community, I don’t depend on people for my needs, and I have peace.
It was in the furnace that God showed himself being with Daniel’s three friends. The furnace was turned up much hotter than normal and the three men trusted God. They trusted Him if they died, they trusted Him if they were spared. It was in the furnace they saw His face. After a group of my close friends and support had gotten done praying over me, my friends’ dad told me this. To trust God and to not bow, but to stand because it is in the furnace that God shows His face.

The College Girl

“Wrecked”

Here on the deck I stand,
Winds a’ blowing
Hope not seen past the rain,
Nor found past the cloud.
Feet bidding me to leap to the storm

Surviving here I stand,
Struggling against the howling wind.
I chose not to be here,
Not to be surrounded by rotten bulwark.
I wish it were not mine.

Plunging deep beneath the green,
Not here standing, I crave to be.

To and fro we are thrown.
Shreds flapping against the unseen,
Great groans creak out the strong wood,
A blast like that of powder
And no more—

Senses awakening anew,
Eyes split open to find
The wood upon which I lay,
Scattered on the wet green more is suspended.
My shell sodden but my core emblazed.

The barricade destroyed,
Yet I lay perched, saved.

Lauren Whatley
September 28, 2008

Inspired by Pastor Greg's message last weekend and on what God is doing in my life.

Check out the story in Acts 27-28...I find it pretty amazing.

Also 2 Corinthians 4 has been such a challenge to me and a glimpse of hope when I couldn't seem to see any on my own strength. Here a part of it is:

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

God is good--amist being confused (but not losing hope) and being pushed on everyside to the point of being crushed (but remaining whole).

All for His Glory!
The College Girl

Today is the day

Well it has finally come...school. dun dun...dun.

Today I move out of the house I am currently living at into the dorms. Yes I still have more packing to do, but this is called procrastination. It feels so odd to think that I won't have to cook for myself, or have a shower to myself for the next 9 months. I ended up enjoying the cooking despite what I thought. I found that if I cook for myself I can eat a lot healthier. My weakness is pasta. I am so thankful to have had a place to stay this summer that didn't require rent and was only five minutes from work. God provided every step of the way this summer. He surprised me in mighty ways and has made me a little more like the woman He knows I will be.

All this does not mean that I love transition, because frankly I can't stand times like these. Yesterday I was in Charleston and got to visit with my friends Trisha and Emily for a couple of hours. Finally left at 9pm after having dinner with the folks. I hopped in my car and as I drove down 26 I was listening to familiar praise songs. A sure reminder that God doesn't change with my environment. This morning I beat the rooster to work and as I drove back to this house from work more familiar praise songs filled my ears. Once again a sure reminder that God doesn't change with my environment. Sometimes I find that my "safe" place is my car because that is the only environment that seems to never change (at least for not however-many miles). It isn't my car though, it is God. God meets me where I am. He goes before me and sets up a guard so that I might be under His protection.

As I start my second year of college I have many memories of what God did in my heart this summer. However my God does not change just because I am in a new setting. You see God has done and shown me so many amazing things that I feel as if I am a new person going to an "old" environment when I think of going back to school. That mere fact sometimes gets butterflies swarming in my stomach. There are going to be challenges this year, some I am already facing, others I have no clue about but He remains constant.

I am very lucky to have such amazing gals in my life that are going to pray for me today around 4pm. God says to be continually in prayer and to pray for one another. And to lift up one another's burdens. Something I need to make a habit of. Here are some ways you can be praying for me:

Balancing school, social time, and work

Having consistent God time each day

Sleep---I have been having a rough time again

For God to create around me a healthy community and that I would engage that community

Opportunities to serve others and my coworkers

Kimberly (my roommate) and my relationship

Thanks for following through out the summer. I love sitting down and updating you on what is going on here in Columbia. It is such a blessing to have you read.

With love,

The College Girl

He speaks and...

It seems that so much has been going on lately. I don't really know where to begin to update you.

God has given me a complete change of perception. It is amazing! Life takes us down roads that we never dreamed of going down. Some of those places are great surprises and others are great tragedies. God does not create the bad things in our life, however He can allow them to happen. Part of the fact that we live in a fallen world means that there is going to be pain and hurt. So about a week or two ago I asked God why? Why was it that He allowed something bad happen to me. The conversation started with me taking some of my thoughts to him...lies that I had come to believe about myself and He replaced those lies with words of truth. He spoke so boldly and caring. That the answer to my question "why" came as a slight shock. His answer:

"Because I love you."

"What God? I don't understand."

"I'm going to show you."

I felt such a peace wash over me. Sure enough He did show me. He showed me that He didn't rejoice in my time of hurt, but that He allowed it so that I would come to know Him more intimately. My pain was a gift from God. It sounds almost absurd, but that sentence has brought so much healing in my life. My perception of healing and my hurt took a 180 degree turn. If this was a "gift" then why do I continuously dig my heels in the dirt and say that I don't want to go there and resist what God is wanting to do in my life? If this pain is a gift, then my attitude is "okay God lets go".

Healing is a process, but it is not that the prize is life and freedom. We have been given freedom through Christ's death and this is life that we live. Don't get caught up in the healing "process", just live life, listening to God.

Can I trust God enough to be my protector that I can allow Him to rip out my man-made protection? Yes! Because if He allows pain so that I might know His love more, then it is worth it. Because the love far out weighs the pain.

This new bit of truth has energized me and fueled my passion for ministry. I want to share my story because I don't think I can keep inside what Christ has done! This week God has been continuously breaking my heart for the lost. And breaking my heart over the church. I am fed up with the game of church. Scripture says in Revelation if you are lukewarm God would like it better if you were hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm He spits you out of His mouth. So many of our churches are being shot out of the mouth of God. And you know what that does for the Body's witness...it destroys it! I was talking to a guy just yesterday and He said that the church is fake and that He sees no difference in those who attend church and those who don't. I'm not talking about watch what you say and watch what you do...no, I am talking about being real, and on fire for God so much so that it is not just a religious thing, but it is a relationship. Satan is masquerading in our churches, He dances on our stages, and rejoices in our lukewarmness. It is time that we rise up and fight and take up the calling that Christ has given us...His ambassadors!

School Days

I have a week until I move back in the dorms. I cannot believe it. Kimberly and I went in this past week and put up our loft and moved in our couch and some of my stuff. It is a pretty awesome set up. I will have to post some pictures when we finally get settled in.

I am looking forward to school starting back up, but at the same time feeling a little weird about it. I can see God's fingerprints all over this summer. The transition into summer was not a comfortable one for me, but now I am 100% delighted that God told me to stay in Columbia. I am reminded of a verse as I think of what this summer was to me.
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14

God is faithful and I know He will remain the same through out the school year. Transition is upon me again but I am praying that I let God lead and that my heels do not sink in the dirt.

Thanks for reading,

The college girl

Takin' the Bucks out of Starbucks

I sit here fully refreshed from a very long midday nap that I much deserved. I worked all weekend and this morning at Starbucks. I was really not looking forward to a couple of my long shifts, but they turned out to be just fine. I wanted to share some cool stories from this weekend.
New Friend

Took my 10min break and got to chat with one of our regular customers, Bill. We exchanged names and started talking about books. He was reading a book about Buddhist simplicity and I asked if that was along the lines of what he believed. He replied that it wasn't something He held tight to and gave the impression that he wasn't associated with any type of religion. I told him the books I had been reading. I talked about the Chronicles of Narnia and then a book by John Eldredge that I am reading. I told him that John is a Christian author and writes in his book about engaging the heart in life and reconnecting it with our minds. Of course this was just simplifing and only grazing the surface of what the book talks about, but it struck a cord. He said that the buddhist mentioned something like that too. We talked for a little bit about just the complexity of the mind and the heart and how amazingly it was created. He is a doctor of sorts, so He had lots of in depth knowledge about the mind. My 10min break became 15min and I excused myself. He came in yesterday and we greeted each other warmly. Found that very interesting and God present.

A Taste of India

Yesterday while working, a indian couple walked in. We were slow at the moment, so I went to sweep the floors. As they drank their coffee I engaged them in a bit of conversation, asking where they were from. She had come from India not to long ago, but they were living in NC and just passing through on their way home. I told them about friends I have that grew up in India and how it has been my dream for a couple of years to go to India. As they went to leave the lady and I talked a bit more and she asked what I was studying, taking a deep breath I said Family and Church Education and English. She asked what I wanted to do and I told her for sure that I wanted to write, and possibly work in a church. We talked for another second or two, but that was it.

I think it is so amazing to connect with people in this way. Because I had friends that were from India and have a heart for India, it opened the couple up and instead of me just engaging them, they engaged me in conversation.

Partner in Crime

There is no one that I dread working with. There are people I would prefer working with over others. One girl I would prefer working with, I rarely get to work with. Luckly this weekend I worked with her two nights in a row. We got to talking about our schooling last night and she asked what I was majoring in and what I wanted to do. I told her a similar response that I gave to the Indian lady, but continued with that fact that I was frustrated with the church. After a shocked second I continued saying how a lot of church's in America need a new mindset. Explained how I couldn't stand the bickering over how to dress or whether to have pews or not, but my frustration went a bit deeper as I explained that there were so many prejudices in the church whether it be against gays or other races. The church needs to minister to all people welcoming them in and meeting them where they are, encouraging them to grow in faith. She found it very refreshing to hear me say these things. She told me that she had several friends that think of religious people as very styerotypical and stuck in their ways. Ouch. She claimed not to be very "religious", but said that it was refreshing when she came across people who weren't the religious people that her friends didn't like. Hmmm... makes ya think. Excited about working with her more and just loving on her. I find it really interesting when a non-believer can see the difference between religion and relationship.

Alright well that is all for now. Hope yall enjoyed some coffee converstations. God is good and He is at work.

The college girl

Music to my ears!

Hey there wanted to encourage you with two songs I am so stuck on.

God reminded me today that I am innocent. I am washed and I am pure. That no filth clings to me.



And the second one has been such an encouragement to me as I am reminded that Christ is my solid rock, that if I stand there I will not be moved.

Written on July 20th

I do not even know where to begin at the moment. On the way here I asked God where He wanted me and I ended up at Starbucks sitting with no distractions, left my headphones in the car along with my other books…so I have no excuse not to write.
A blind man walked in just now and he has so much joy about him. I want to feel that joy despite my pain, despite my handicap. Why is it that these cuts are so deep? It is as if I swallowed glass and now I am ripped from the inside out. I desperately want to be whole…or do I? If I did maybe I would stop digging my heels in the dirt.
Escaped to Myrtle Beach with Kimberly for the weekend. God showed up last night. It was as if He decided that He had something to say and that I should listen. I am still amazed at the words Kimberly had…the words God gave her. To be whole, I have to be broken first. God let me know that He wanted me to be broken. Kimberly told me to just let go of what was stopping me from being there. He was there in that room, but I did not want to hear from him. However, He spoke and I heard.
I was on the couch and it was as if I was trying to stand up, but He pushed me back down. I tried to stand again and He pushed me again. He pushed my body, which was in one piece, asking for it to be in many pieces. He knelt down and told me He would take care of me, just let go. Fall apart and He would catch me. Fall apart?? Where have I heard that before? That is the very thing I want to avoid. He reminded me of His son in the garden of Gethsemane.

Luk 22:40 And when he came to the place, he said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation."
Luk 22:41 And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed,
Luk 22:42 saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
Luk 22:43 And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.
Luk 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

Jesus was broken. He had no strength besides that of His father’s. He didn’t create His own identity, run from the pain, or find strength from a false source within. God spoke telling me, telling me to look to the example of His son. To be broken before him. In Matthew Jesus says:

Mar 14:34 "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch."
Mar 14:35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.
Mar 14:36 And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

He was overwhelmed with sorrow and He cried out Abba, Father. “Your will not mine”. In that moment I saw God standing over me on that couch and looking at Him and being reminded that He is my father. Really truly He is my daddy. I was scared…frightened of falling apart and I found in the same stern face of God, a comforting father. I felt comfort, I felt His presence, I felt love, I felt SAFE.
What is in the way of me falling apart? My answer in that moment was pride, fear, and the unknown. Something God spoke through Kimberly was, if broken is where He is calling you, then broken is who you are and that is okay. It is where you need to be. That hit me right where I had been questioning, “Who am I?” God’s reply was broken. His reply was my daughter. Who am I? I am Broken, and I want to embrace that identity. God, show me how.