Ketchup :]

Hey everyone! Sorry I have been so slack. I went home this past weekend and I loved the time I got to spend in Charleston....so refreshing. God taught me alot through the past weekend. One thing I saw was how I need to better be in contact with all of you. So I appologize for that.
I was trying to think of a way I could catch you up to speed on everything. I had to write a letter for the church so I could continue my scholarship...so this is it and it pretty much sums up the past months.

I have been thoroughly enjoying my time at Columbia International University. That does not mean that everything has been easy or all fun and games, but God has been at work in my life. Before coming to CIU I prayed that God would put a finger on my heart where I needed to rely on Him for healing and change. I guess I did not think there was too much God would point out, but once I got here, I realized how wrong I was.
When I arrived at CIU, God began to provide for me relationally. God convicted a sophomore named Emma to get to know me. And I am so thankful because within a couple of weeks I opened up to her and told her what I had been through in the past year. I showed her how wounded I was because of my past and since then she has been walking the journey of healing with me. This brings me to the first lesson that God taught me and is still teaching me: to be vulnerable. I heard the word vulnerability over and over and it finally sunk in that it is not a bad thing, that it is actually something that requires God’s strength and courage.
I have one more chapter in John and Stasi Eldredge’s book Captivating, which I have been reading every week with Emma. This book has spoken to my heart in a powerful way and I highly recommend it to any woman. I have learned that God delights in me and I am to take great delight in Him. God showed me exactly where my wounds were and that I am to let Him into those places that I desire to keep hidden from others, and even at times myself. I am to allow Him to touch even the tenderest parts of my heart. This book has made evident to me the extreme hatred Satan has for all people, but especially women. Satan fears my beauty and role as a woman, so he feeds me lies that make me question that beauty God has bestowed on me. I have to be alert and armed for Satan is stealthily attacking. God has also shown me Himself in a different role than I have ever seen. He has shown me that I am His bride and that He longs to romance me, to speak to my heart individually. To sum it up, God has been teaching me what it is to be a woman of God and to seek an intimate relationship with Him.
Our dorm scripture this semester has been Isaiah 61:1-4, and it has continually come to surface in other things I have been reading. It says:

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

This has been such an encouraging passage. The promise in this passage that sticks out the most is that God will bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes. God has made me beautiful despite the hardships of my past. The promise I have looked at most recently is that God gives me a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. The past couple of weeks I had a great spirit of despair, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and not knowing what my role was here at school. However God has given me a garment of praise and I see that my whole dependence has to be on Him. Dependence on myself leads to despair, but dependence on God leads to a heart of praise, no matter what the circumstances.

CIU encourages freshman to visit churches the first semester of college and then have a church by second semester. I have been to several churches since my time here, but I am not sure if I have found one that I am set on yet. Lately I have been going to a very small church, primarily made up of older people. The service is rather traditional, which honestly has been nice. We have chapel every class day, and chapel is more contemporary style. So it is been quite a new experience to sing out of the hymnal on Sunday mornings. The pastor and his wife are young and just starting at this church. They have a few of us students over on Thursday nights for dinner and to talk. Thursdays are really encouraging and I have gotten to know some guys that go to school with me in a relaxed setting. I am thankful for those friendships that are forming.

I have been enjoying most of my classes. I am taking Old Testament Survey and I have been really surprised by what I have learned. For instance I had no clue that there was a talking donkey in the Bible. I have learned of God’s sovereignty, mercy, and his wrath through my readings for class. One of my favorite classes has been English. We have read many short stories and poems that I had read last year in high school, but my professor always applies the meaning of the writings to our walk with Christ. It might be that he brings a secular poem back to the fact that there are people who are broken and need to hear the message of Christ, or it might be that he makes us look inside ourselves to evaluate our faith. It has been a real blessing to be at a school where Christ is the center and to live on a hall with other women who are striving to live their lives for God. I need to be attentive to how God wants me to serve here at school and to those living on my hall. God has taken me through so much in my life and I pray that He will use me to minister to those who have been through similar situations. If I find victory in my battles, that victory will be nothing unless I allow God to use my story in the life of others. I am continually amazed by the love God has for me that I am so undeserving of. It brings tears to my eyes to know that He takes great delight in me and uses me even though I am so broken.

Miss you all very much!
The college girl