Today is the day

Well it has finally come...school. dun dun...dun.

Today I move out of the house I am currently living at into the dorms. Yes I still have more packing to do, but this is called procrastination. It feels so odd to think that I won't have to cook for myself, or have a shower to myself for the next 9 months. I ended up enjoying the cooking despite what I thought. I found that if I cook for myself I can eat a lot healthier. My weakness is pasta. I am so thankful to have had a place to stay this summer that didn't require rent and was only five minutes from work. God provided every step of the way this summer. He surprised me in mighty ways and has made me a little more like the woman He knows I will be.

All this does not mean that I love transition, because frankly I can't stand times like these. Yesterday I was in Charleston and got to visit with my friends Trisha and Emily for a couple of hours. Finally left at 9pm after having dinner with the folks. I hopped in my car and as I drove down 26 I was listening to familiar praise songs. A sure reminder that God doesn't change with my environment. This morning I beat the rooster to work and as I drove back to this house from work more familiar praise songs filled my ears. Once again a sure reminder that God doesn't change with my environment. Sometimes I find that my "safe" place is my car because that is the only environment that seems to never change (at least for not however-many miles). It isn't my car though, it is God. God meets me where I am. He goes before me and sets up a guard so that I might be under His protection.

As I start my second year of college I have many memories of what God did in my heart this summer. However my God does not change just because I am in a new setting. You see God has done and shown me so many amazing things that I feel as if I am a new person going to an "old" environment when I think of going back to school. That mere fact sometimes gets butterflies swarming in my stomach. There are going to be challenges this year, some I am already facing, others I have no clue about but He remains constant.

I am very lucky to have such amazing gals in my life that are going to pray for me today around 4pm. God says to be continually in prayer and to pray for one another. And to lift up one another's burdens. Something I need to make a habit of. Here are some ways you can be praying for me:

Balancing school, social time, and work

Having consistent God time each day

Sleep---I have been having a rough time again

For God to create around me a healthy community and that I would engage that community

Opportunities to serve others and my coworkers

Kimberly (my roommate) and my relationship

Thanks for following through out the summer. I love sitting down and updating you on what is going on here in Columbia. It is such a blessing to have you read.

With love,

The College Girl

He speaks and...

It seems that so much has been going on lately. I don't really know where to begin to update you.

God has given me a complete change of perception. It is amazing! Life takes us down roads that we never dreamed of going down. Some of those places are great surprises and others are great tragedies. God does not create the bad things in our life, however He can allow them to happen. Part of the fact that we live in a fallen world means that there is going to be pain and hurt. So about a week or two ago I asked God why? Why was it that He allowed something bad happen to me. The conversation started with me taking some of my thoughts to him...lies that I had come to believe about myself and He replaced those lies with words of truth. He spoke so boldly and caring. That the answer to my question "why" came as a slight shock. His answer:

"Because I love you."

"What God? I don't understand."

"I'm going to show you."

I felt such a peace wash over me. Sure enough He did show me. He showed me that He didn't rejoice in my time of hurt, but that He allowed it so that I would come to know Him more intimately. My pain was a gift from God. It sounds almost absurd, but that sentence has brought so much healing in my life. My perception of healing and my hurt took a 180 degree turn. If this was a "gift" then why do I continuously dig my heels in the dirt and say that I don't want to go there and resist what God is wanting to do in my life? If this pain is a gift, then my attitude is "okay God lets go".

Healing is a process, but it is not that the prize is life and freedom. We have been given freedom through Christ's death and this is life that we live. Don't get caught up in the healing "process", just live life, listening to God.

Can I trust God enough to be my protector that I can allow Him to rip out my man-made protection? Yes! Because if He allows pain so that I might know His love more, then it is worth it. Because the love far out weighs the pain.

This new bit of truth has energized me and fueled my passion for ministry. I want to share my story because I don't think I can keep inside what Christ has done! This week God has been continuously breaking my heart for the lost. And breaking my heart over the church. I am fed up with the game of church. Scripture says in Revelation if you are lukewarm God would like it better if you were hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm He spits you out of His mouth. So many of our churches are being shot out of the mouth of God. And you know what that does for the Body's witness...it destroys it! I was talking to a guy just yesterday and He said that the church is fake and that He sees no difference in those who attend church and those who don't. I'm not talking about watch what you say and watch what you do...no, I am talking about being real, and on fire for God so much so that it is not just a religious thing, but it is a relationship. Satan is masquerading in our churches, He dances on our stages, and rejoices in our lukewarmness. It is time that we rise up and fight and take up the calling that Christ has given us...His ambassadors!

School Days

I have a week until I move back in the dorms. I cannot believe it. Kimberly and I went in this past week and put up our loft and moved in our couch and some of my stuff. It is a pretty awesome set up. I will have to post some pictures when we finally get settled in.

I am looking forward to school starting back up, but at the same time feeling a little weird about it. I can see God's fingerprints all over this summer. The transition into summer was not a comfortable one for me, but now I am 100% delighted that God told me to stay in Columbia. I am reminded of a verse as I think of what this summer was to me.
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14

God is faithful and I know He will remain the same through out the school year. Transition is upon me again but I am praying that I let God lead and that my heels do not sink in the dirt.

Thanks for reading,

The college girl

Takin' the Bucks out of Starbucks

I sit here fully refreshed from a very long midday nap that I much deserved. I worked all weekend and this morning at Starbucks. I was really not looking forward to a couple of my long shifts, but they turned out to be just fine. I wanted to share some cool stories from this weekend.
New Friend

Took my 10min break and got to chat with one of our regular customers, Bill. We exchanged names and started talking about books. He was reading a book about Buddhist simplicity and I asked if that was along the lines of what he believed. He replied that it wasn't something He held tight to and gave the impression that he wasn't associated with any type of religion. I told him the books I had been reading. I talked about the Chronicles of Narnia and then a book by John Eldredge that I am reading. I told him that John is a Christian author and writes in his book about engaging the heart in life and reconnecting it with our minds. Of course this was just simplifing and only grazing the surface of what the book talks about, but it struck a cord. He said that the buddhist mentioned something like that too. We talked for a little bit about just the complexity of the mind and the heart and how amazingly it was created. He is a doctor of sorts, so He had lots of in depth knowledge about the mind. My 10min break became 15min and I excused myself. He came in yesterday and we greeted each other warmly. Found that very interesting and God present.

A Taste of India

Yesterday while working, a indian couple walked in. We were slow at the moment, so I went to sweep the floors. As they drank their coffee I engaged them in a bit of conversation, asking where they were from. She had come from India not to long ago, but they were living in NC and just passing through on their way home. I told them about friends I have that grew up in India and how it has been my dream for a couple of years to go to India. As they went to leave the lady and I talked a bit more and she asked what I was studying, taking a deep breath I said Family and Church Education and English. She asked what I wanted to do and I told her for sure that I wanted to write, and possibly work in a church. We talked for another second or two, but that was it.

I think it is so amazing to connect with people in this way. Because I had friends that were from India and have a heart for India, it opened the couple up and instead of me just engaging them, they engaged me in conversation.

Partner in Crime

There is no one that I dread working with. There are people I would prefer working with over others. One girl I would prefer working with, I rarely get to work with. Luckly this weekend I worked with her two nights in a row. We got to talking about our schooling last night and she asked what I was majoring in and what I wanted to do. I told her a similar response that I gave to the Indian lady, but continued with that fact that I was frustrated with the church. After a shocked second I continued saying how a lot of church's in America need a new mindset. Explained how I couldn't stand the bickering over how to dress or whether to have pews or not, but my frustration went a bit deeper as I explained that there were so many prejudices in the church whether it be against gays or other races. The church needs to minister to all people welcoming them in and meeting them where they are, encouraging them to grow in faith. She found it very refreshing to hear me say these things. She told me that she had several friends that think of religious people as very styerotypical and stuck in their ways. Ouch. She claimed not to be very "religious", but said that it was refreshing when she came across people who weren't the religious people that her friends didn't like. Hmmm... makes ya think. Excited about working with her more and just loving on her. I find it really interesting when a non-believer can see the difference between religion and relationship.

Alright well that is all for now. Hope yall enjoyed some coffee converstations. God is good and He is at work.

The college girl

Music to my ears!

Hey there wanted to encourage you with two songs I am so stuck on.

God reminded me today that I am innocent. I am washed and I am pure. That no filth clings to me.



And the second one has been such an encouragement to me as I am reminded that Christ is my solid rock, that if I stand there I will not be moved.

Written on July 20th

I do not even know where to begin at the moment. On the way here I asked God where He wanted me and I ended up at Starbucks sitting with no distractions, left my headphones in the car along with my other books…so I have no excuse not to write.
A blind man walked in just now and he has so much joy about him. I want to feel that joy despite my pain, despite my handicap. Why is it that these cuts are so deep? It is as if I swallowed glass and now I am ripped from the inside out. I desperately want to be whole…or do I? If I did maybe I would stop digging my heels in the dirt.
Escaped to Myrtle Beach with Kimberly for the weekend. God showed up last night. It was as if He decided that He had something to say and that I should listen. I am still amazed at the words Kimberly had…the words God gave her. To be whole, I have to be broken first. God let me know that He wanted me to be broken. Kimberly told me to just let go of what was stopping me from being there. He was there in that room, but I did not want to hear from him. However, He spoke and I heard.
I was on the couch and it was as if I was trying to stand up, but He pushed me back down. I tried to stand again and He pushed me again. He pushed my body, which was in one piece, asking for it to be in many pieces. He knelt down and told me He would take care of me, just let go. Fall apart and He would catch me. Fall apart?? Where have I heard that before? That is the very thing I want to avoid. He reminded me of His son in the garden of Gethsemane.

Luk 22:40 And when he came to the place, he said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation."
Luk 22:41 And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed,
Luk 22:42 saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
Luk 22:43 And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.
Luk 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

Jesus was broken. He had no strength besides that of His father’s. He didn’t create His own identity, run from the pain, or find strength from a false source within. God spoke telling me, telling me to look to the example of His son. To be broken before him. In Matthew Jesus says:

Mar 14:34 "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch."
Mar 14:35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.
Mar 14:36 And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

He was overwhelmed with sorrow and He cried out Abba, Father. “Your will not mine”. In that moment I saw God standing over me on that couch and looking at Him and being reminded that He is my father. Really truly He is my daddy. I was scared…frightened of falling apart and I found in the same stern face of God, a comforting father. I felt comfort, I felt His presence, I felt love, I felt SAFE.
What is in the way of me falling apart? My answer in that moment was pride, fear, and the unknown. Something God spoke through Kimberly was, if broken is where He is calling you, then broken is who you are and that is okay. It is where you need to be. That hit me right where I had been questioning, “Who am I?” God’s reply was broken. His reply was my daughter. Who am I? I am Broken, and I want to embrace that identity. God, show me how.

a little hello

Thanks to those who prayed. I would really still appreciate your prayers.

Hopefully I will be able to update soon. Praise God for the wonderful picture He painted for me this weekend and how beautifully He used my sister in Christ to bring me on my face to Him.

Love,
The college girl

long time

Hey there!
I have once again failed at keeping this blog going. OH well I guess I am human after all. Not sure where to even pick up.

Boring stuff
I am working one job now and that is Starbucks. I absolutely love my job. The people I work with are so amazing in their very different ways. I have found support from my company a couple of times already. It is great to receive and give encouragement to my Starbucks fam.

Loss
Life has a way of sneaking up on you and spitting you in the face, leaving you to clean up the mess. Gross...i know.
I went on a cruise with the family at the end of June and when we got back I drove to Cola, only to get a call from my mother telling me that my grandmother had passed away. The pain was breath taking. I am so thankful to have been at my friend Kimberly's house and even more thankful to have the comfort of a friend who would let me cry without saying a word. Kimberly and I drove to Fairfax, SC for the viewing and the funeral. I spoke at the funeral...which I never imagined would be as hard as it was. Death is odd, but unavoidable. It goes against our very nature.
I saw great beauty in my family through the death of my MaMa Precious. Kimberly, Sarah, and I stayed with my great aunt, Grace and I felt right at home there. I saw how much we had in common, our love for writing, our laid back personality, and our occasional sarcasm. I feel like the end of my grandmother's life brought an extra boost of life to our family. Or maybe it was just that her passing unveiled my eyes just a bit to see the life my family has. Her death put me in a place to learn how to receive love from my family and how sweet that was. It is true that you don't know what it is like to lose someone you love until you actually do. It was heartbreaking for me to see my two cousins cry and even hard to hear that I was special to her and she loved me very much. I have never met another woman with more endurance than my grandmother. She was a woman who despite having being an amputee and having hands that were reshaped by the years, lived on her own (with the exception of her cats) and never stopped loving her family. If you want to read what I read at the funeral it is here.

As I Wrestle With You
God is good. That I know to be true. Lately I have been finding myself at the well in the shoes of a woman who is being offered living water. If you have time look up John 4 and read the story of the woman at the well. If you don't get a chance that is okay it might just help to see where I am coming from. Jesus intentionally sits by a well where a Samaritan woman comes to draw water. It is there that Jesus offers this woman water...living water...life. However this woman is not yet ready to receive what is being offered to her, she has questions, and Jesus welcomes those questions. God why did this happen now? God I can't take any more hits on my life, I am weary. God what are you doing? Where are you in this? God what are you inviting me to do? After telling the woman that He was indeed the Messiah, the woman left her jar at the well and ran back to the village telling the people of what she heard. But the fact that Jesus is who he says he is, is still sinking into her mind. "is this not the Christ" Come see this must be him.
We are an instant microwave society, but our hearts and our minds work so differently. God says "I am good" and our heads respond in agreement that that is truth. But our hearts are not so accepting at first. You see I have learned that it is one thing to understand something and it is another to believe something. But what is so amazing is I can bring my questions to God and He meets me where I am. I can be honest and tell him that I do not yet believe with my heart that He is who He is revealing Himself to be and He takes my head knowledge of Him and brings it to my heart.
After my grandmother passed I wrestled with God so much. Her death was unexpected, and selfishly I had just dealt with hard stuff in my life. What was He thinking in His timing? I am slowly seeing and believing that He knows exactly what He is doing. That He is perfect in orchestrating my life.

My Precious
My heart. I am reading this book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead. It is a really good book---and is not about raising people to life hahaha. There is this quote that is in the book that has been on replay "God's glory is man fully alive" -Saint Iraneus. God wants us to take a hold of the freedom we are given in Him. He wants us to take the life He offers and He wants us to find sanctuary in Him. But wounds, bondage, addictions, and so much more stick to us and attempt to take hold of us. I have seen more and more how much of a spiritual war we are under. That might sound "religious" to some of you. Too bad it is TRUTH. Jesus came to set the captives free, to bind up the broken hearted and Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy. Two opposite motives. Satan opposes the life Jesus offers. There is a tension there that will always be there until the day we die. I pray that I am not naive in believing that the war is not taking place. Check out the book if you get time...it is an enjoyable read and John is a great author. Inspired by one of the metaphors Eldredge uses of the tin man and by my life, I wrote this:

“War for the Heart”

I’m dieing. You came to strip me,
Left empty, chest made of tin.
Cold is my blood, and blank are my eyes.
You delighted in the sin,
While I bled as I cried.

I’m dieing. Where do I turn
When my heart thuds no more
And my mind races so much it burns,
Body weary not feeling how much you tore.

I’m dieing. This shall not be my last.
Where is my ax for I will fight,
Scrape the rust from the past,
Looking to Him only for might.

You have something of mine,
And I am taking it back.
Tonight we dine
But tomorrow your barrier will crack.
Then you will see this shell—alive.

June 30, 2008
Lauren Whatley

Okay I think this is a ton for you to read for now. More updates to come as God continues to speak and I stop to listen.

The College Girl