Hey there! Its been a long time I know. I had to write a letter to my church giving an update on my semester so I figured I would share bits and pieces of it so you could be updated. So here it is:
I would like to start by giving you a bit of background information. This summer I ended up living in Columbia instead of going back home to Goose Creek. It was a very hurried decision and thankfully God provided a place for me to live with people who have always been like grandparents to me. Looking back on this summer I can say that there is something sacred about it. I had great support from friends and the people I was living with. However I felt like a lot of the time it was just God and I. There were many bumps through out the summer such as the sudden death of my grandmother. I read a great book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead, which God used to breath life into my heart. Through the transition, times of loneliness, dealing with loss, struggling with the past, and sweet times, God was present teaching me and showing me more of His character. I feel like God took the three months of summer and multiplied them greatly, I am not sure I can write this letter without including this part of my journey.
This past summer I got a job at Starbucks, and I decided to continue working there a few hours a week during the school year. God continues to confirm that it is a place He wants me. Not that I would tell my manager this, but working at Starbucks is my ministry. I work with amazing lost sinners. I get choked up thinking about it. I go to work, as I am, sometimes not in the best of moods. I don’t pretend to have it all together and allow my co-workers to see me for who I am. They know I am a Christian, and I believe they know that I would never judge them or look down upon them. God has given me such a heart for these people. When they are dealing with hard things in their life, my heart hurts for them. All I can do is pray and continue to show interest in their life and show them that I care. Not all of the people I connect with in this way but there are the handful that God has given me a burden for. Several times this summer small opportunities came up to share a piece of my faith with a couple of them. And I have loved seeing these relationships grow.
Transitioning back to school this semester was not the easiest. I had plenty of expectations for myself, only to find that my expectations were unrealistic and were not the ones God had in mind. My thought process was that last semester I had a really hard time with my studies because of life circumstances, but I had all summer to spend processing through things, so I would be ready to go at high gear. I was wrong. I was struggling to pour the amount of energy I wanted to into being an on-campus student at CIU. I found grace from the school and professors that were willing to work with me and pray for me. There is definitely value in asking for help and how thankful I am for those in leadership at CIU.
Not to just portray the hard circumstances because there are so many rewards and highlights to my school life. One of the classes I am currently taking is Hermeneutics, in which we go to class only to get a project to work on in the library. The projects are to teach us to dive into the Bible, research the Greek/Hebrew meanings of words, study the context of passages, and the history in which the assigned Bible passage was written. The projects are extremely time consuming, but very valuable in learning to be a student of the Word. I am pretty certain of sticking with my major, Family and Church Education, but I am now considering focusing (essentially a minor) in psychology. The idea of graduate school to obtain a degree in counseling is a future notion. Whether I go to graduate school or not, I figure psychology would be a good thing to have under my belt when going into ministry.
Dorm life this semester has been a good bit different from last year. I am rooming with one of my friends who I spent a lot of the summer with. We have been through different things together that have caused us to bond. There are many great women on my hall that I have loved getting to know. My roommate from last year and another girl from my hall last year live on the same hall. Between the four of us, we keep each other encouraged. It is amazing to see how God placed me on this hall with girls that have similar things going on in their life. There is such a rich opportunity for ministry, encouraging and exhorting one another. I have found such a great friend in my RA who God has used to become another piece of my inner circle community.
Before I started to write you I thought it would be interesting to read over the past two letters I sent you concerning last school year. I found it interesting how to some extent I am still learning some of the same lessons that I told you about, only in a different way. A friend of mine reminds me that I am not simply going around and around the mountain, but I am going around the mountain and working my way up it in a spiral motion. God lead me into a place of deeper intimacy with Him this past summer and desires for me to follow him into greater intimacy with Him. He continues to heal my heart and reveal more of His character to me. I am learning what it means to give myself grace, after all God has extended His grace to me. Recently God has shown me how the depth of my depravity and weakness, seeing that my strength that I rely on so often is only an illusion. His strength is what provides me with energy when I can’t find any. His strength is not a last resort, but a necessity to fighting for Life. He has also been teaching me what it means to rest, which has been more a struggle for me than I ever would have imagined. I like to be productive and busy, but God’s shown me that I love to rely on my strength to remain busy, instead of rely on Him for rest. Still trying to dwell on these things as God shows me more.
While in talking with someone God gave me such a clear picture of where He wants me. Two words describe this place, pure weakness. Pure weakness is not a place like I had been thinking, but it is Christ. After all He was pure weakness while He hung on the cross. It is relying on Him completely, being completely satisfied in an intimacy with the Father. God was quick to point to what was stopping me from living in pure weakness, that being sin. You see there is this wall, on one side is Jesus and on the other side is me. I am perfectly fine and strong. However the wall is my pride, knowing there are areas of my heart God needs to touch but I won’t let him. I shut him out by building this wall. In my picture Christ comes through the wall and reaches his hand out to my chest and touches me. I feel immense pain; I’m scared and uncomfortable. Yet at the same time I feel comfort and love from Jesus as with His other hand He cradles me. I am sitting there and God has led me to a place of repentance. I felt such godly-sorrow. God lead me in love to my sin so that He could do greater work.
I wish I could take you to each place in the past couple of months that God has spoken Truth into my life. He has taken me from looking only to my pain and sitting in despair to focusing on Him and seeing there is hope. I’ve been learning what it is to take heart and that taking heart is actually worth it, for God’s kingdom is coming. 2 Corinthians 4 has been a great encouragement. I have learned to listen to and take my hurts to God allowing Him to restore me. I’m gaining wisdom in the area of boundary setting with other people and with myself, through a class on Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s Boundaries. A quote by Oswald Chambers has been a great challenge to me, “No love of the human heart is safe unless it is fully satisfied in God”. I have seen how much of a difference it makes when I go to God to be satisfied. He can use me more in my community, I don’t depend on people for my needs, and I have peace.
It was in the furnace that God showed himself being with Daniel’s three friends. The furnace was turned up much hotter than normal and the three men trusted God. They trusted Him if they died, they trusted Him if they were spared. It was in the furnace they saw His face. After a group of my close friends and support had gotten done praying over me, my friends’ dad told me this. To trust God and to not bow, but to stand because it is in the furnace that God shows His face.
The College Girl
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
“Wrecked”
Here on the deck I stand,
Winds a’ blowing
Hope not seen past the rain,
Nor found past the cloud.
Feet bidding me to leap to the storm
Surviving here I stand,
Struggling against the howling wind.
I chose not to be here,
Not to be surrounded by rotten bulwark.
I wish it were not mine.
Plunging deep beneath the green,
Not here standing, I crave to be.
To and fro we are thrown.
Shreds flapping against the unseen,
Great groans creak out the strong wood,
A blast like that of powder
And no more—
Senses awakening anew,
Eyes split open to find
The wood upon which I lay,
Scattered on the wet green more is suspended.
My shell sodden but my core emblazed.
The barricade destroyed,
Yet I lay perched, saved.
Lauren Whatley
September 28, 2008
Inspired by Pastor Greg's message last weekend and on what God is doing in my life.
Check out the story in Acts 27-28...I find it pretty amazing.
Also 2 Corinthians 4 has been such a challenge to me and a glimpse of hope when I couldn't seem to see any on my own strength. Here a part of it is:
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
God is good--amist being confused (but not losing hope) and being pushed on everyside to the point of being crushed (but remaining whole).
All for His Glory!
The College Girl
Here on the deck I stand,
Winds a’ blowing
Hope not seen past the rain,
Nor found past the cloud.
Feet bidding me to leap to the storm
Surviving here I stand,
Struggling against the howling wind.
I chose not to be here,
Not to be surrounded by rotten bulwark.
I wish it were not mine.
Plunging deep beneath the green,
Not here standing, I crave to be.
To and fro we are thrown.
Shreds flapping against the unseen,
Great groans creak out the strong wood,
A blast like that of powder
And no more—
Senses awakening anew,
Eyes split open to find
The wood upon which I lay,
Scattered on the wet green more is suspended.
My shell sodden but my core emblazed.
The barricade destroyed,
Yet I lay perched, saved.
Lauren Whatley
September 28, 2008
Inspired by Pastor Greg's message last weekend and on what God is doing in my life.
Check out the story in Acts 27-28...I find it pretty amazing.
Also 2 Corinthians 4 has been such a challenge to me and a glimpse of hope when I couldn't seem to see any on my own strength. Here a part of it is:
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
God is good--amist being confused (but not losing hope) and being pushed on everyside to the point of being crushed (but remaining whole).
All for His Glory!
The College Girl
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Today is the day
Well it has finally come...school. dun dun...dun.Today I move out of the house I am currently living at into the dorms. Yes I still have more packing to do, but this is called procrastination. It feels so odd to think that I won't have to cook for myself, or have a shower to myself for the next 9 months. I ended up enjoying the cooking despite what I thought. I found that if I cook for myself I can eat a lot healthier. My weakness is pasta. I am so thankful to have had a place to stay this summer that didn't require rent and was only five minutes from work. God provided every step of the way this summer. He surprised me in mighty ways and has made me a little more like the woman He knows I will be.
All this does not mean that I love transition, because frankly I can't stand times like these. Yesterday I was in Charleston and got to visit with my friends Trisha and Emily for a couple of hours. Finally left at 9pm after having dinner with the folks. I hopped in my car and as I drove down 26 I was listening to familiar praise songs. A sure reminder that God doesn't change with my environment. This morning I beat the rooster to work and as I drove back to this house from work more familiar praise songs filled my ears. Once again a sure reminder that God doesn't change with my environment. Sometimes I find that my "safe" place is my car because that is the only environment that seems to never change (at least for not however-many miles). It isn't my car though, it is God. God meets me where I am. He goes before me and sets up a guard so that I might be under His protection.
As I start my second year of college I have many memories of what God did in my heart this summer. However my God does not change just because I am in a new setting. You see God has done and shown me so many amazing things that I feel as if I am a new person going to an "old" environment when I think of going back to school. That mere fact sometimes gets butterflies swarming in my stomach. There are going to be challenges this year, some I am already facing, others I have no clue about but He remains constant.
I am very lucky to have such amazing gals in my life that are going to pray for me today around 4pm. God says to be continually in prayer and to pray for one another. And to lift up one another's burdens. Something I need to make a habit of. Here are some ways you can be praying for me:
Balancing school, social time, and work
Having consistent God time each day
Sleep---I have been having a rough time again
For God to create around me a healthy community and that I would engage that community
Opportunities to serve others and my coworkers
Kimberly (my roommate) and my relationship
Thanks for following through out the summer. I love sitting down and updating you on what is going on here in Columbia. It is such a blessing to have you read.
With love,
The College Girl
Saturday, August 9, 2008
He speaks and...
It seems that so much has been going on lately. I don't really know where to begin to update you.
God has given me a complete change of perception. It is amazing! Life takes us down roads that we never dreamed of going down. Some of those places are great surprises and others are great tragedies. God does not create the bad things in our life, however He can allow them to happen. Part of the fact that we live in a fallen world means that there is going to be pain and hurt. So about a week or two ago I asked God why? Why was it that He allowed something bad happen to me. The conversation started with me taking some of my thoughts to him...lies that I had come to believe about myself and He replaced those lies with words of truth. He spoke so boldly and caring. That the answer to my question "why" came as a slight shock. His answer:
"Because I love you." 
"What God? I don't understand."
"I'm going to show you."
I felt such a peace wash over me. Sure enough He did show me. He showed me that He didn't rejoice in my time of hurt, but that He allowed it so that I would come to know Him more intimately. My pain was a gift from God. It sounds almost absurd, but that sentence has brought so much healing in my life. My perception of healing and my hurt took a 180 degree turn. If this was a "gift" then why do I continuously dig my heels in the dirt and say that I don't want to go there and resist what God is wanting to do in my life? If this pain is a gift, then my attitude is "okay God lets go".
Healing is a process, but it is not that the prize is life and freedom. We have been given freedom through Christ's death and this is life that we live. Don't get caught up in the healing "process", just live life, listening to God.
Can I trust God enough to be my protector that I can allow Him to rip out my man-made protection? Yes! Because if He allows pain so that I might know His love more, then it is worth it. Because the love far out weighs the pain.
This new bit of truth has energized me and fueled my passion for ministry. I want to share my story because I don't think I can keep inside what Christ has done! This week God has been continuously breaking my heart for the lost. And breaking my heart over the church. I am fed up with the game of church. Scripture says in Revelation if you are lukewarm God would like it better if you were hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm He spits you out of His mouth. So many of our churches are being shot out of the mouth of God. And you know what that does for the Body's witness...it destroys it! I was talking to a guy just yesterday and He said that the church is fake and that He sees no difference in those who attend church and those who don't. I'm not talking about watch what you say and watch what you do...no, I am talking about being real, and on fire for God so much so that it is not just a religious thing, but it is a relationship. Satan is masquerading in our churches, He dances on our stages, and rejoices in our lukewarmness. It is time that we rise up and fight and take up the calling that Christ has given us...His ambassadors!
School Days
I have a week until I move back in the dorms. I cannot believe it. Kimberly and I went in this 
past week and put up our loft and moved in our couch and some of my stuff. It is a pretty awesome set up. I will have to post some pictures when we finally get settled in.
past week and put up our loft and moved in our couch and some of my stuff. It is a pretty awesome set up. I will have to post some pictures when we finally get settled in. I am looking forward to school starting back up, but at the same time feeling a little weird about it. I can see God's fingerprints all over this summer. The transition into summer was not a comfortable one for me, but now I am 100% delighted that God told me to stay in Columbia. I am reminded of a verse as I think of what this summer was to me.
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14
God is faithful and I know He will remain the same through out the school year. Transition is upon me again but I am praying that I let God lead and that my heels do not sink in the dirt.
Thanks for reading,
The college girl
Monday, July 28, 2008
Takin' the Bucks out of Starbucks
I sit here fully refreshed from a very long midday nap that I much deserved. I worked all weekend and this morning at Starbucks. I was really not looking forward to a couple of my long shifts, but they turned out to be just fine. I wanted to share some cool stories from this weekend.
New Friend
New Friend
Took my 10min break and got to chat with one of our regular customers, Bill. We exchanged names and started talking about books. He was reading a book about Buddhist simplicity and I asked if that was along the lines of what he believed. He replied that it wasn't something He held tight to and gave the impression that he wasn't associated with any type of religion. I told him the books I had been reading. I talked about the Chronicles of Narnia and then a book by John
Eldredge that I am reading. I told him that John is a Christian author and writes in his book about engaging the heart in life and reconnecting it with our minds. Of course this was just simplifing and only grazing the surface of what the book talks about, but it struck a cord. He said that the buddhist mentioned something like that too. We talked for a little bit about just the complexity of the mind and the heart and how amazingly it was created. He is a doctor of sorts, so He had lots of in depth knowledge about the mind. My 10min break became 15min and I excused myself. He came in yesterday and we greeted each other warmly. Found that very interesting and God present.
Eldredge that I am reading. I told him that John is a Christian author and writes in his book about engaging the heart in life and reconnecting it with our minds. Of course this was just simplifing and only grazing the surface of what the book talks about, but it struck a cord. He said that the buddhist mentioned something like that too. We talked for a little bit about just the complexity of the mind and the heart and how amazingly it was created. He is a doctor of sorts, so He had lots of in depth knowledge about the mind. My 10min break became 15min and I excused myself. He came in yesterday and we greeted each other warmly. Found that very interesting and God present. A Taste of India
Yesterday while working, a indian couple walked in. We were slow at the moment, so I went to sweep the floors. As they drank their coffee I engaged them in a bit of conversation, asking where they were from. She had come from India not to long ago, but they were living in NC and just passing through on their way home. I told them about friends I have that grew up in India and how it has been my dream for a couple of years to go to India. As they went to leave the lady and I talked a bit more and she asked what I was studying, taking a deep breath I said Family and Church Education and English. She asked what I wanted to do and I told her for sure that I wanted to write, and possibly work in a church. We talked for another second or two, but that was it.
I think it is so amazing to connect with people in this way. Because I had friends that were from India and have a heart for India, it opened the couple up and instead of me just engaging them, they engaged me in conversation.
Partner in Crime
There is no one that I dread working with. There are people I would prefer working with over others. One girl I would prefer working with, I rarely get to work with. Luckly this weekend I worked with her two nights in a row. We got to talking about our schooling last night and she asked what I was majoring in and what I wanted to do. I told her a similar response that I gave to the Indian lady, but continued with that fact that I was frustrated with the church. After a shocked second I continued saying how a lot of church's in America need a new mindset. Explained how I couldn't stand the bickering over how to dress or whether to have pews or not, 
but my frustration went a bit deeper as I explained that there were so many prejudices in the church whether it be against gays or other races. The church needs to minister to all people welcoming them in and meeting them where they are, encouraging them to grow in faith. She found it very refreshing to hear me say these things. She told me that she had several friends that think of religious people as very styerotypical and stuck in their ways. Ouch. She claimed not to be very "religious", but said that it was refreshing when she came across people who weren't the religious people that her friends didn't like. Hmmm... makes ya think. Excited about working with her more and just loving on her. I find it really interesting when a non-believer can see the difference between religion and relationship.
but my frustration went a bit deeper as I explained that there were so many prejudices in the church whether it be against gays or other races. The church needs to minister to all people welcoming them in and meeting them where they are, encouraging them to grow in faith. She found it very refreshing to hear me say these things. She told me that she had several friends that think of religious people as very styerotypical and stuck in their ways. Ouch. She claimed not to be very "religious", but said that it was refreshing when she came across people who weren't the religious people that her friends didn't like. Hmmm... makes ya think. Excited about working with her more and just loving on her. I find it really interesting when a non-believer can see the difference between religion and relationship. Alright well that is all for now. Hope yall enjoyed some coffee converstations. God is good and He is at work.
The college girl
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Music to my ears!
Hey there wanted to encourage you with two songs I am so stuck on.
God reminded me today that I am innocent. I am washed and I am pure. That no filth clings to me.
And the second one has been such an encouragement to me as I am reminded that Christ is my solid rock, that if I stand there I will not be moved.
God reminded me today that I am innocent. I am washed and I am pure. That no filth clings to me.
And the second one has been such an encouragement to me as I am reminded that Christ is my solid rock, that if I stand there I will not be moved.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Written on July 20th
I do not even know where to begin at the moment. On the way here I asked God where He wanted me and I ended up at Starbucks sitting with no distractions, left my headphones in the car along with my other books…so I have no excuse not to write.
A blind man walked in just now and he has so much joy about him. I want to feel that joy despite my pain, despite my handicap. Why is it that these cuts are so deep? It is as if I swallowed glass and now I am ripped from the inside out. I desperately want to be whole…or do I? If I did maybe I would stop digging my heels in the dirt.
Escaped to Myrtle Beach with Kimberly for the weekend. God showed up last night. It was as if He decided that He had something to say and that I should listen. I am still amazed at the words Kimberly had…the words God gave her. To be whole, I have to be broken first. God let me know that He wanted me to be broken. Kimberly told me to just let go of what was stopping me from being there. He was there in that room, but I did not want to hear from him. However, He spoke and I heard.
I was on the couch and it was as if I was trying to stand up, but He pushed me back down. I tried to stand again and He pushed me again. He pushed my body, which was in one piece, asking for
it to be in many pieces. He knelt down and told me He would take care of me, just let go. Fall apart and He would catch me. Fall apart?? Where have I heard that before? That is the very thing I want to avoid. He reminded me of His son in the garden of Gethsemane.
Luk 22:40 And when he came to the place, he said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation."
Luk 22:41 And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed,
Luk 22:42 saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
Luk 22:43 And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.
Luk 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
Jesus was broken. He had no strength besides that of His father’s. He didn’t create His own identity, run from the pain, or find strength from a false source within. God spoke telling me, telling me to look to the example of His son. To be broken before him. In Matthew Jesus says:
Mar 14:34 "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch."
Mar 14:35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.
Mar 14:36 And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."
He was overwhelmed with sorrow and He cried out Abba, Father. “Your will not mine”. In that moment I saw God standing over me on that couch and looking at Him and being reminded that He is my father. Really truly He is my daddy. I was scared…frightened of falling apart and I found in the same stern face of God, a comforting father. I felt comfort, I felt His presence, I felt love, I felt SAFE.
What is in the way of me falling apart? My answer in that moment was pride, fear, and the unknown. Something God spoke through Kimberly was, if broken is where He is calling you, then broken is who you are and that is okay. It is where you need to be. That hit me right where I had been questioning, “Who am I?” God’s reply was broken. His reply was my daughter. Who am I? I am Broken, and I want to embrace that identity. God, show me how.
A blind man walked in just now and he has so much joy about him. I want to feel that joy despite my pain, despite my handicap. Why is it that these cuts are so deep? It is as if I swallowed glass and now I am ripped from the inside out. I desperately want to be whole…or do I? If I did maybe I would stop digging my heels in the dirt.
Escaped to Myrtle Beach with Kimberly for the weekend. God showed up last night. It was as if He decided that He had something to say and that I should listen. I am still amazed at the words Kimberly had…the words God gave her. To be whole, I have to be broken first. God let me know that He wanted me to be broken. Kimberly told me to just let go of what was stopping me from being there. He was there in that room, but I did not want to hear from him. However, He spoke and I heard.
I was on the couch and it was as if I was trying to stand up, but He pushed me back down. I tried to stand again and He pushed me again. He pushed my body, which was in one piece, asking for
it to be in many pieces. He knelt down and told me He would take care of me, just let go. Fall apart and He would catch me. Fall apart?? Where have I heard that before? That is the very thing I want to avoid. He reminded me of His son in the garden of Gethsemane.Luk 22:40 And when he came to the place, he said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation."
Luk 22:41 And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed,
Luk 22:42 saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
Luk 22:43 And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.
Luk 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
Jesus was broken. He had no strength besides that of His father’s. He didn’t create His own identity, run from the pain, or find strength from a false source within. God spoke telling me, telling me to look to the example of His son. To be broken before him. In Matthew Jesus says:
Mar 14:34 "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch."
Mar 14:35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.
Mar 14:36 And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."
He was overwhelmed with sorrow and He cried out Abba, Father. “Your will not mine”. In that moment I saw God standing over me on that couch and looking at Him and being reminded that He is my father. Really truly He is my daddy. I was scared…frightened of falling apart and I found in the same stern face of God, a comforting father. I felt comfort, I felt His presence, I felt love, I felt SAFE.
What is in the way of me falling apart? My answer in that moment was pride, fear, and the unknown. Something God spoke through Kimberly was, if broken is where He is calling you, then broken is who you are and that is okay. It is where you need to be. That hit me right where I had been questioning, “Who am I?” God’s reply was broken. His reply was my daughter. Who am I? I am Broken, and I want to embrace that identity. God, show me how.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
a little hello
Thanks to those who prayed. I would really still appreciate your prayers.
Hopefully I will be able to update soon. Praise God for the wonderful picture He painted for me this weekend and how beautifully He used my sister in Christ to bring me on my face to Him.
Love,
The college girl
Hopefully I will be able to update soon. Praise God for the wonderful picture He painted for me this weekend and how beautifully He used my sister in Christ to bring me on my face to Him.
Love,
The college girl
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
long time
Hey there!
I have once again failed at keeping this blog going. OH well I guess I am human after all. Not sure where to even pick up.
Boring stuff
I am working one job now and that is Starbucks. I absolutely love my job. The people I work with are so amazing in their very different ways. I have found support from my company a couple of times already. It is great to receive and give encouragement to my Starbucks fam.
Loss
Life has a way of sneaking up on you and spitting you in the face, leaving you to clean up the mess. Gross...i know.
I went on a cruise with the family at the end of June and when we got back I drove to Cola, only to get a call from my mother telling me that my grandmother had passed away. The pain was breath taking. I am so thankful to have been at my friend Kimberly's house and even more thankful to have the comfort of a friend who would let me cry without saying a word. Kimberly and I drove to Fairfax, SC for the viewing and the funeral. I spoke at the funeral...which I never imagined would be as hard as it was. Death is odd, but unavoidable. It goes against our very nature.
I saw great beauty in my family through the death of my MaMa Precious. Kimberly, Sarah, and I stayed with my great aunt, Grace and I felt right at home there. I saw how much we had in common, our love for writing, our laid back personality, and our occasional sarcasm. I feel like the end of my grandmother's life brought an extra boost of life to our family. Or maybe it was just that her passing unveiled my eyes just a bit to see the life my family has. Her death put me in a place to learn how to receive love from my family and how sweet that was. It is true that you don't know what it is like to lose someone you love until you actually do. It was heartbreaking for me to see my two cousins cry and even hard to hear that I was special to her and she loved me very much. I have never met another woman with more endurance than my grandmother. She was a woman who despite having being an amputee and having hands that were reshaped by the years, lived on her own (with the exception of her cats) and never stopped loving her family. If you want to read what I read at the funeral it is here.
As I Wrestle With You
God is good. That I know to be true. Lately I have been finding myself at the well in the shoes of a woman who is being offered living water. If you have time look up John 4 and read the story of the woman at the well. If you don't get a chance that is okay it might just help to see where I am coming from. Jesus intentionally sits by a well where a Samaritan woman comes to draw water. It is there that Jesus offers this woman water...living water...life. However this woman is not yet ready to receive what is being offered to her, she has questions, and Jesus welcomes those questions. God why did this happen now? God I can't take any more hits on my life, I am weary. God what are you doing? Where are you in this? God what are you inviting me to do? After telling the woman that He was indeed the Messiah, the woman left her jar at the well and ran back to the village telling the people of what she heard. But the fact that Jesus is who he says he is, is still sinking into her mind. "is this not the Christ" Come see this must be him.
We are an instant microwave society, but our hearts and our minds work so differently. God says "I am good" and our heads respond in agreement that that is truth. But our hearts are not so accepting at first. You see I have learned that it is one thing to understand something and it is another to believe something. But what is so amazing is I can bring my questions to God and He meets me where I am. I can be honest and tell him that I do not yet believe with my heart that He is who He is revealing Himself to be and He takes my head knowledge of Him and brings it to my heart.
After my grandmother passed I wrestled with God so much. Her death was unexpected, and selfishly I had just dealt with hard stuff in my life. What was He thinking in His timing? I am slowly seeing and believing that He knows exactly what He is doing. That He is perfect in orchestrating my life.
My Precious
My heart. I am reading this book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead. It is a really good book---and is not about raising people to life hahaha. There is this quote that is in the book that has been on replay "God's glory is man fully alive" -Saint Iraneus. God wants us to take a hold of the freedom we are given in Him. He wants us to take the life He offers and He wants us to find sanctuary in Him. But wounds, bondage, addictions, and so much more stick to us and attempt to take hold of us. I have seen more and more how much of a spiritual war we are under. That might sound "religious" to some of you. Too bad it is TRUTH. Jesus came to set the captives free, to bind up the broken hearted and Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy. Two opposite motives. Satan opposes the life Jesus offers. There is a tension there that will always be there until the day we die. I pray that I am not naive in believing that the war is not taking place. Check out the book if you get time...it is an enjoyable read and John is a great author. Inspired by one of the metaphors Eldredge uses of the tin man and by my life, I wrote this:
“War for the Heart”
I’m dieing. You came to strip me,
Left empty, chest made of tin.
Cold is my blood, and blank are my eyes.
You delighted in the sin,
While I bled as I cried.
I’m dieing. Where do I turn
When my heart thuds no more
And my mind races so much it burns,
Body weary not feeling how much you tore.
I’m dieing. This shall not be my last.
Where is my ax for I will fight,
Scrape the rust from the past,
Looking to Him only for might.
You have something of mine,
And I am taking it back.
Tonight we dine
But tomorrow your barrier will crack.
Then you will see this shell—alive.
June 30, 2008
Lauren Whatley
Okay I think this is a ton for you to read for now. More updates to come as God continues to speak and I stop to listen.
The College Girl
I have once again failed at keeping this blog going. OH well I guess I am human after all. Not sure where to even pick up.
Boring stuff
I am working one job now and that is Starbucks. I absolutely love my job. The people I work with are so amazing in their very different ways. I have found support from my company a couple of times already. It is great to receive and give encouragement to my Starbucks fam.
Loss
Life has a way of sneaking up on you and spitting you in the face, leaving you to clean up the mess. Gross...i know.
I went on a cruise with the family at the end of June and when we got back I drove to Cola, only to get a call from my mother telling me that my grandmother had passed away. The pain was breath taking. I am so thankful to have been at my friend Kimberly's house and even more thankful to have the comfort of a friend who would let me cry without saying a word. Kimberly and I drove to Fairfax, SC for the viewing and the funeral. I spoke at the funeral...which I never imagined would be as hard as it was. Death is odd, but unavoidable. It goes against our very nature.
I saw great beauty in my family through the death of my MaMa Precious. Kimberly, Sarah, and I stayed with my great aunt, Grace and I felt right at home there. I saw how much we had in common, our love for writing, our laid back personality, and our occasional sarcasm. I feel like the end of my grandmother's life brought an extra boost of life to our family. Or maybe it was just that her passing unveiled my eyes just a bit to see the life my family has. Her death put me in a place to learn how to receive love from my family and how sweet that was. It is true that you don't know what it is like to lose someone you love until you actually do. It was heartbreaking for me to see my two cousins cry and even hard to hear that I was special to her and she loved me very much. I have never met another woman with more endurance than my grandmother. She was a woman who despite having being an amputee and having hands that were reshaped by the years, lived on her own (with the exception of her cats) and never stopped loving her family. If you want to read what I read at the funeral it is here.
As I Wrestle With You
God is good. That I know to be true. Lately I have been finding myself at the well in the shoes of a woman who is being offered living water. If you have time look up John 4 and read the story of the woman at the well. If you don't get a chance that is okay it might just help to see where I am coming from. Jesus intentionally sits by a well where a Samaritan woman comes to draw water. It is there that Jesus offers this woman water...living water...life. However this woman is not yet ready to receive what is being offered to her, she has questions, and Jesus welcomes those questions. God why did this happen now? God I can't take any more hits on my life, I am weary. God what are you doing? Where are you in this? God what are you inviting me to do? After telling the woman that He was indeed the Messiah, the woman left her jar at the well and ran back to the village telling the people of what she heard. But the fact that Jesus is who he says he is, is still sinking into her mind. "is this not the Christ" Come see this must be him.
We are an instant microwave society, but our hearts and our minds work so differently. God says "I am good" and our heads respond in agreement that that is truth. But our hearts are not so accepting at first. You see I have learned that it is one thing to understand something and it is another to believe something. But what is so amazing is I can bring my questions to God and He meets me where I am. I can be honest and tell him that I do not yet believe with my heart that He is who He is revealing Himself to be and He takes my head knowledge of Him and brings it to my heart.
After my grandmother passed I wrestled with God so much. Her death was unexpected, and selfishly I had just dealt with hard stuff in my life. What was He thinking in His timing? I am slowly seeing and believing that He knows exactly what He is doing. That He is perfect in orchestrating my life.
My Precious
My heart. I am reading this book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead. It is a really good book---and is not about raising people to life hahaha. There is this quote that is in the book that has been on replay "God's glory is man fully alive" -Saint Iraneus. God wants us to take a hold of the freedom we are given in Him. He wants us to take the life He offers and He wants us to find sanctuary in Him. But wounds, bondage, addictions, and so much more stick to us and attempt to take hold of us. I have seen more and more how much of a spiritual war we are under. That might sound "religious" to some of you. Too bad it is TRUTH. Jesus came to set the captives free, to bind up the broken hearted and Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy. Two opposite motives. Satan opposes the life Jesus offers. There is a tension there that will always be there until the day we die. I pray that I am not naive in believing that the war is not taking place. Check out the book if you get time...it is an enjoyable read and John is a great author. Inspired by one of the metaphors Eldredge uses of the tin man and by my life, I wrote this:
“War for the Heart”
I’m dieing. You came to strip me,
Left empty, chest made of tin.
Cold is my blood, and blank are my eyes.
You delighted in the sin,
While I bled as I cried.
I’m dieing. Where do I turn
When my heart thuds no more
And my mind races so much it burns,
Body weary not feeling how much you tore.
I’m dieing. This shall not be my last.
Where is my ax for I will fight,
Scrape the rust from the past,
Looking to Him only for might.
You have something of mine,
And I am taking it back.
Tonight we dine
But tomorrow your barrier will crack.
Then you will see this shell—alive.
June 30, 2008
Lauren Whatley
Okay I think this is a ton for you to read for now. More updates to come as God continues to speak and I stop to listen.
The College Girl
Monday, July 14, 2008
coming soon...
Hey there,
I am so sorry I haven't written in a while. There are so many amazing, scary, sad, and normal things that have happened that I would love to update you on. I plan to go sit at one of my favorite local coffee shops that has free wifi and write an update tomorrow after I work tomorrow. Dream of me at 4:30am as I rise to go serve people coffee. :)
I do have something to ask of you and I am asking this with my heart in expectation that you will give me a great gift. Would you please be praying for me for the next couple of weeks starting now?
Hope to see you back here tomorrow.
The College Girl
I am so sorry I haven't written in a while. There are so many amazing, scary, sad, and normal things that have happened that I would love to update you on. I plan to go sit at one of my favorite local coffee shops that has free wifi and write an update tomorrow after I work tomorrow. Dream of me at 4:30am as I rise to go serve people coffee. :)
I do have something to ask of you and I am asking this with my heart in expectation that you will give me a great gift. Would you please be praying for me for the next couple of weeks starting now?
Hope to see you back here tomorrow.
The College Girl
Sunday, June 1, 2008
An update
So I am in to both jobs now. And I can see God's hand in them when I let go and stop trying to control so much.
Got the Coffee Jitters
There is a lot to learn at starbucks. I had a blast making Frappuccinos Friday night. Being a new partner of starbucks there is a lot to learn and that means I need to be shown things and I won't always do things right. My manager and I believe just the Starbucks mentality is ask away. If you need help just ask and it will be given.
Driving home one night this week I just laughed at God because He knows that that is an area I need to grow in. I don't necessarily always know how to ask for help. But I am learning what a valuable thing it is to ask. It is all about learning how to take care of myself. Asking is no by means a sign of weakness, if anything it should be a sign of strength because you know that you need something or that you don't have the knowledge so asking and obtaining whatever it is makes you a stronger and more knowledgeable person.
Another thing I am seeing by working at Starbucks is that everyone has their story. The old man that walks in and always orders the same thing, or the girl who transferred from out of state, or the partner working and going to summer school. It is awesome to see the blend of people I work with and be amazed by what a strong community it is despite those differences...if only that were modeled everywhere.
Docta' Docta' tell me the news...
As for the doctor's office, I am starting to be more comfortable there. We just moved into our new office which is really nice and very spacious compared to the last office. I have the sense of just being taken care of there. The doctor is this great Christian guy who is laid back and doesn't lord over us who work for him. The two ladies I work with are really nice and just really relaxed people to be around. I make mistakes there, but they are patient with me and teach me how to do things right.
In other news:
This week I got to talk to my friend Casie who if you remember is currently in Zambia. God is doing amazing things in her life and in the lives of those who she shares her story with. Hundreds are coming to Christ there. It is awesome to hear about.
My friend sarah made it back from Jersey. Which has been fun to be able to spend time with her and my friend Kimberly this weekend. We have been chilling in this mansion that Sarah is house sitting for the owners.
Thoughts
Lately I have been thinking what it means to love God with all your mind, heart, and soul. I don't think that means well just love God. I think He broke it down for a reason. You see you can know something is true in your mind, but not really be convinced in your heart. The only thing I have been caught up on lately is how do you love God with all of your soul? What does that look like? I am still thinking over this but if you have any comments I would love to hear them. I know there is a lot in my life right now that I know is true, but that my heart is not believing yet and that is a frustrating place to be. But the great thing is having sisters around me that believe with their hearts for me things that I cannot yet believe.
So I found this passage of scripture the other day and I just love it so I wanted to share it with you. Running a little low on hope at the moment this really jumped out at me.
And we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:2b-5
Keep running the race even though it isn't easy.
Okay one last thought and then I am going to eat my beagle that Kimbo just made for me.
Today in church a prof of mine was speaking (I went to a different church) and He was talking about the irony of Christ's death. Quoting another preacher he said that the greatest miracle in the Bible was found in Mark 15:29-32 where people are telling Jesus to come off the cross he is nailed to and save himself. It was the greatest miracle that never happened. Christ hung on that cross. And I thought about all the pain I have felt in life and how at times I have wanted to just be completely restored not having to go through some process. I want to save myself from the cross I am nailed to. But Christ hung there on that cross even though it would have taken him little effort to save himself because He knew that we would be nailed to sin and other's sins and that we could not save ourselves. So He willingly hung there so that He would be able to take us off of our crosses. Wow! That is my God. All praise be to Him!
Miss you guys!
The college girl
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Workin'
Hey there! 
This week I started my job in the Doctor's office answering phones and such. It is also a very good environment. I had to go out and buy scrubs. So that was an adventure...not to mention that I couldn't find any that where short enough for me to wear. I feel like such a poser...I am by no means a nurse and would never in a million years want to go into medicine.
I am an official Starbucks employee!!! I start my training Tuesday. Looking forward to the atmosphere.
This week I started my job in the Doctor's office answering phones and such. It is also a very good environment. I had to go out and buy scrubs. So that was an adventure...not to mention that I couldn't find any that where short enough for me to wear. I feel like such a poser...I am by no means a nurse and would never in a million years want to go into medicine. I read a book this week that I would highly recommend for those who like allegories, C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce. I struggled in the beginning, but once I got into it I didn't lay it down.
Learning a lot more what it means to take care of myself lately...and I am also learning that I am nowhere near perfection in that area. Yesterday I took a couple of hours to just "be". I went to the best sub place in the world, Beezers. It is this little whole in the wall downtown. Then I lugged my guitar and my journal out to Finley Park and just sat out there for a good hour or so.
My friend, Leslie, is coming in town tomorrow and I am soooo looking forward to some quality time with her. I am really ready for my "friend family" to be back in SC. I have a friend in New Jersey right now and then another in Zambia, Africa. The girl in Africa is Casie. They are with the organization Stop the Spread, doing HIV/AIDS education, but at the same time sharing the gospel. If you think about it, be praying for Casie as God is working in her life tremendously right now.
Alright I am off to make me some Dinner. Would love to hear from you!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Summer is here
Honestly I have been avoiding this blog. There is some big news I have not yet shared with everyone in Charleston.
My freshman year of college is over and I would have to say it looked like nothing I expected. But I am so joyous for that fact. God had so much more in store for me than I could have ever imagined. A lot of places I did not want to go, but He took me there, places I thought I was unworthy to go, He brought me there, provision I thought I would never see, He showed me. God is good.
The past weeks have been spatter with many different emotions, issues, new friendships, exhaustion, decisions, and questions. But that is only on the surface. What has soaked beneath the surface has been God’s love, His grace, and TRUTH.
So this leads me to my big news. Columbia is my home for the summer. God has made it completely clear to me that this is where I am to stay for this season in my life. At first this was not an easy thing to swallow, and at times there are still moments I want so much to be in Charleston. God has invited me to take His invitation to stay here in Cola, to walk a narrow path. He has provided a few strong relationships with people here, He has provided not one but three job opportunities, He has provided me a home to live in with two wonderful Christian “grandparents”, and He has provided this season to learn and heal. He wants to show me what it means to let others take care of me and how to healthily take care of myself. I have felt the body of Christ surround me the past few weeks. As I felt as if I had no strength to pick myself up, they carried me. God has brought me to the edge of a place called brokenness and as hard as it is I want more of that place.
That is a quick glimpse into my world right now. My summer might look a little like this:
Trips to Spartanburg to hang with Ashley = 8,000 laughs
Working = $$$$
Cruise with Family= Relaxation
Trips to Charleston = sweet fun
One trip to Goldsboro, NC to see Leslie = 30 good conversations
Reading out of the library in the house = 3 hours of an escape
Spending time with my sister Rachel = a lifetime bond
Hanging out with Casie = Adventure and free guitar lessons
Coffee with Sarah = 1million words of wisdom
Movie nights with Kimberly = 25 trips to blockbuster
I am excited to soak up what God is going to show me this summer. Not everything is going to be easy, in fact most of it won’t be, but He has called me to be more like His son and what a high calling that is.
Ways to be praying for me:
Figuring out details with job stuff—outcome of interviews this week
Maintain a balance when dealing with hard stuff
Getting good sleep (this is a big one lately)
Remembering to not try to figure everything out but let God show me what He wants in His timing
I would love to hear from y’all. Email me or comment on this blog page.
The College Girl
My freshman year of college is over and I would have to say it looked like nothing I expected. But I am so joyous for that fact. God had so much more in store for me than I could have ever imagined. A lot of places I did not want to go, but He took me there, places I thought I was unworthy to go, He brought me there, provision I thought I would never see, He showed me. God is good.
The past weeks have been spatter with many different emotions, issues, new friendships, exhaustion, decisions, and questions. But that is only on the surface. What has soaked beneath the surface has been God’s love, His grace, and TRUTH.
So this leads me to my big news. Columbia is my home for the summer. God has made it completely clear to me that this is where I am to stay for this season in my life. At first this was not an easy thing to swallow, and at times there are still moments I want so much to be in Charleston. God has invited me to take His invitation to stay here in Cola, to walk a narrow path. He has provided a few strong relationships with people here, He has provided not one but three job opportunities, He has provided me a home to live in with two wonderful Christian “grandparents”, and He has provided this season to learn and heal. He wants to show me what it means to let others take care of me and how to healthily take care of myself. I have felt the body of Christ surround me the past few weeks. As I felt as if I had no strength to pick myself up, they carried me. God has brought me to the edge of a place called brokenness and as hard as it is I want more of that place.
That is a quick glimpse into my world right now. My summer might look a little like this:
Trips to Spartanburg to hang with Ashley = 8,000 laughs
Working = $$$$
Cruise with Family= Relaxation
Trips to Charleston = sweet fun
One trip to Goldsboro, NC to see Leslie = 30 good conversations
Reading out of the library in the house = 3 hours of an escape
Spending time with my sister Rachel = a lifetime bond
Hanging out with Casie = Adventure and free guitar lessons
Coffee with Sarah = 1million words of wisdom
Movie nights with Kimberly = 25 trips to blockbuster
I am excited to soak up what God is going to show me this summer. Not everything is going to be easy, in fact most of it won’t be, but He has called me to be more like His son and what a high calling that is.
Ways to be praying for me:
Figuring out details with job stuff—outcome of interviews this week
Maintain a balance when dealing with hard stuff
Getting good sleep (this is a big one lately)
Remembering to not try to figure everything out but let God show me what He wants in His timing
I would love to hear from y’all. Email me or comment on this blog page.
The College Girl
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Stains
“Stains”
I touch the bronze latch, cold and rustic. My fingers tremble not wanting to open the faded light wood lid from its hinges. I turn my head away as a tear glides gently down. But my eyes, finding nothing else to be fixed to are averted back to the subject at hand.
My mind races to the first gaze I took upon the young golden wood of my box. I stood staring, motionless, the weight of my body daring to cave under my struggling legs. I reached within me grabbing hold of the object. I held it in my trembling hands. It was spattered with blood, with drops of new and some of old. My mind retreated to its comatose state and my hands were left alone holding the object. Eyes overwhelmed, knees hit the gravel ground and my hands did touch the bright bronze latch. Opening the lid I thrust the object forward rocking on my knees. The smooth lid fell after its prisoner, and my eyes softened but a bit. My feet glided beneath me and my body rose. I raised the box bright and fare and held it parallel to my shoulders. My feet carried me forward where I came to a man, who struggled to breathe. His feet did not touch the earth beneath Him; His arms were spread and His body, straight as the board behind Him. He heaved in a deep sigh and stared down at me, and then glared at the chest I carried. Hands still unsteady I lifted the wood above my head. Touch was lost as the box spread the dust of the dirt at my feet. The man stained with blood, drops of new and some of old, cried out in agony as His veins came out of hiding. Huge tears ran down His face to meet His beard. He let in a deep breath and looked once again upon my face and dove into my eyes.
Now here I sit fingers touching the cold latch. The faded wood stained with blood drops. “I can’t God, I don’t know what this is.” Tan warm skin touches my pale, cold hand. “You can’t but I can.” My head raises and my green eyes swirl in His deep brown pools, and together our hands raise the lid.
Lauren Whatley
April 24, 2008
I touch the bronze latch, cold and rustic. My fingers tremble not wanting to open the faded light wood lid from its hinges. I turn my head away as a tear glides gently down. But my eyes, finding nothing else to be fixed to are averted back to the subject at hand.
My mind races to the first gaze I took upon the young golden wood of my box. I stood staring, motionless, the weight of my body daring to cave under my struggling legs. I reached within me grabbing hold of the object. I held it in my trembling hands. It was spattered with blood, with drops of new and some of old. My mind retreated to its comatose state and my hands were left alone holding the object. Eyes overwhelmed, knees hit the gravel ground and my hands did touch the bright bronze latch. Opening the lid I thrust the object forward rocking on my knees. The smooth lid fell after its prisoner, and my eyes softened but a bit. My feet glided beneath me and my body rose. I raised the box bright and fare and held it parallel to my shoulders. My feet carried me forward where I came to a man, who struggled to breathe. His feet did not touch the earth beneath Him; His arms were spread and His body, straight as the board behind Him. He heaved in a deep sigh and stared down at me, and then glared at the chest I carried. Hands still unsteady I lifted the wood above my head. Touch was lost as the box spread the dust of the dirt at my feet. The man stained with blood, drops of new and some of old, cried out in agony as His veins came out of hiding. Huge tears ran down His face to meet His beard. He let in a deep breath and looked once again upon my face and dove into my eyes.
Now here I sit fingers touching the cold latch. The faded wood stained with blood drops. “I can’t God, I don’t know what this is.” Tan warm skin touches my pale, cold hand. “You can’t but I can.” My head raises and my green eyes swirl in His deep brown pools, and together our hands raise the lid.
Lauren Whatley
April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Prayer Day here at CIU...the result:
“Object of His Mercy”
We walk the shore in silence our steps in sync. In every other stride naturally brushing against one another. The sun propped above the vast water holds a soft glow. The waves gently crash as the water runs up to meet my toes. I look up to my left and ask Him why. “Why is it that the water seems so wide, that the beach never ends, that my shins scream in pain, why can’t I be carried?” His dark eyes stare back into mine and for a second I think He is about to answer but His soft lips remain loosely shut. I can feel His eyes wandering within me. My body goes heavy; His brow goes soft with compassion as His gaze spears my heart. In defense I lurch forward grabbing his forearms, a thud is heard as we hit the ground. My hurt overwhelms me as I wrestle with Him turning over and over, as the cold earth beneath us does not budge. My face scrunches confused as to what emotion to portray. My heart bleeds from His pierce. My body convulses knowing my core is collapsing. But clenched white hands grip his arms remaining in place as we tumble in a fast spin. He turns me over one last time as my head hits the shore. My cheek is spattered with sand as if it were blood. And my core is pushed hard, trying to sink beneath the unmovable grit. My scratched knuckles on His arms the only thing keeping me whole. Tears start to roll mixing with the grain of my face, His composure full of compassion, and His brow now showing mercy. Wrenching my hands from His arms he places them in His and with a steady voice speaks as I lay there on my back—broken, tears coming from the overflow of my pierced heart. “Have you seen the shells that we passed as we walked? Some you have stopped to admire and take for others to see. Their immaculate beauty and their swirling curves I have made for your eyes to gaze at, for your soft hands to touch. You are running well, but do you see the hope I have laid before you? It will not always be like it is now. The waves will slow their pace and the wind will blow to another side, just as the birds only leave for a season, so for you too this will be but a chapter. Do not see this as winter because now it is spring.” A faint smile escapes His face as if He sees something I do not. My face turns loose and my eyes are commandeered with a peace, not all too sure why His lips do curve. Sand now warm beneath me, I lie still, as He shifts His left hand to prop up His head. Lying on His side He looks down the beach where we have not yet walked, and once again His face is painted with a slight smile.
Lauren Whatley
April 15, 2008
“What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory” Romans 9:22-23
“Therefore this is what the Lord, who redeemed Abraham, says to the house of the Lord: ‘No longer will Jacob be ashamed; no longer will their faces grow pale. When they see among them their children, the work of my hands they will keep my name holy; they will acknowledge the holiness of the Holy One of Jacob, and will stand in awe of God of Israel.’” Isaiah 29:22-23
We walk the shore in silence our steps in sync. In every other stride naturally brushing against one another. The sun propped above the vast water holds a soft glow. The waves gently crash as the water runs up to meet my toes. I look up to my left and ask Him why. “Why is it that the water seems so wide, that the beach never ends, that my shins scream in pain, why can’t I be carried?” His dark eyes stare back into mine and for a second I think He is about to answer but His soft lips remain loosely shut. I can feel His eyes wandering within me. My body goes heavy; His brow goes soft with compassion as His gaze spears my heart. In defense I lurch forward grabbing his forearms, a thud is heard as we hit the ground. My hurt overwhelms me as I wrestle with Him turning over and over, as the cold earth beneath us does not budge. My face scrunches confused as to what emotion to portray. My heart bleeds from His pierce. My body convulses knowing my core is collapsing. But clenched white hands grip his arms remaining in place as we tumble in a fast spin. He turns me over one last time as my head hits the shore. My cheek is spattered with sand as if it were blood. And my core is pushed hard, trying to sink beneath the unmovable grit. My scratched knuckles on His arms the only thing keeping me whole. Tears start to roll mixing with the grain of my face, His composure full of compassion, and His brow now showing mercy. Wrenching my hands from His arms he places them in His and with a steady voice speaks as I lay there on my back—broken, tears coming from the overflow of my pierced heart. “Have you seen the shells that we passed as we walked? Some you have stopped to admire and take for others to see. Their immaculate beauty and their swirling curves I have made for your eyes to gaze at, for your soft hands to touch. You are running well, but do you see the hope I have laid before you? It will not always be like it is now. The waves will slow their pace and the wind will blow to another side, just as the birds only leave for a season, so for you too this will be but a chapter. Do not see this as winter because now it is spring.” A faint smile escapes His face as if He sees something I do not. My face turns loose and my eyes are commandeered with a peace, not all too sure why His lips do curve. Sand now warm beneath me, I lie still, as He shifts His left hand to prop up His head. Lying on His side He looks down the beach where we have not yet walked, and once again His face is painted with a slight smile.
Lauren Whatley
April 15, 2008
“What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory” Romans 9:22-23
“Therefore this is what the Lord, who redeemed Abraham, says to the house of the Lord: ‘No longer will Jacob be ashamed; no longer will their faces grow pale. When they see among them their children, the work of my hands they will keep my name holy; they will acknowledge the holiness of the Holy One of Jacob, and will stand in awe of God of Israel.’” Isaiah 29:22-23
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Update
Hey there! I am aweful at keeping this up, so I am just going to give you a couple of updates about things.
A week or so ago. Seacoast Church and CIU agreed to partner together. 
I was soooooo excited to have Greg, Mac, and Josh here along with Martin and the worship crew from the Long Point campus. Greg talked about how we do worship at 
Seacoast and we worshipped just as we do on Sunday mornings at Seacoast. I was so amazed at how God moved in people's lives during the response time. I love my church and I love my school. It was too cool to see them come together like that. But what is so amazing is the passion and the vision these two institutions have to know God and to make Him know!
I was soooooo excited to have Greg, Mac, and Josh here along with Martin and the worship crew from the Long Point campus. Greg talked about how we do worship at 
Seacoast and we worshipped just as we do on Sunday mornings at Seacoast. I was so amazed at how God moved in people's lives during the response time. I love my church and I love my school. It was too cool to see them come together like that. But what is so amazing is the passion and the vision these two institutions have to know God and to make Him know!This weekend was the 2008 MORPH conference for high school and middle school students held here at CIU. I helped out by being a "mom" of a family group. It was such a blast, but so challenging. Each family group had to have a theme, our theme was "Kingigarden" aka Kindergarten. My "husband" and I sported our kiddy out fits the first day...him in suspenders and tube socks, and me in braided pig tails and overalls. Our group flag was three pairs of batman underwear on a stick, and there were plenty of bubbles, squirt guns, and crayons to go around...oh and who could forget the candy. 
The students were amazing. I got to know one of them pretty well and was just blown away by his story. Did not get much sleep at all this weekend. Last night I got maybe 4 hours. So of course when the students packed up and left today I hit the bed and got a good 3 hour nap. I learned so much about myself this weekend. I saw my weaknesses, and I saw God use me in a time I felt I had nothing to offer. Waking up one morning I said "God I need all your strength and all your joy, because right now I don't have anything to give". The speaker Stuart Hall, who is associated with Northpoint (I think) was our speaker. The theme was renewal, the renewing of our minds. I was really challenged to take up God's Word...after all it is the key; it is Truth, but so often we assume that because we might be a Christian then we have been renewed. Renewal is a process. It was such a great weekend, but I am totally wiped out.
The students were amazing. I got to know one of them pretty well and was just blown away by his story. Did not get much sleep at all this weekend. Last night I got maybe 4 hours. So of course when the students packed up and left today I hit the bed and got a good 3 hour nap. I learned so much about myself this weekend. I saw my weaknesses, and I saw God use me in a time I felt I had nothing to offer. Waking up one morning I said "God I need all your strength and all your joy, because right now I don't have anything to give". The speaker Stuart Hall, who is associated with Northpoint (I think) was our speaker. The theme was renewal, the renewing of our minds. I was really challenged to take up God's Word...after all it is the key; it is Truth, but so often we assume that because we might be a Christian then we have been renewed. Renewal is a process. It was such a great weekend, but I am totally wiped out. News Flash: I only have like 4 more weeks of my freshman year of college! Crazy how fast time flies. I have been thinking...okay maybe fretting over this summer and next year. For this summer I need a job, so I can have money for living expenses next semester. I have signed up for classes already...which are likely to change a bit. I believe I am going to minor in English...and I am so excited about it. The classes look amazing and I just love the subjects. Been praying and thinking over my rooming for next year...really not sure what that is going to look like. I have had a couple of girls offer to room with me. Only one thing is sure and that is I am really looking forward to ministering to the freshman girls from an upperclassman hall. Cannot wait for my dear friend Emma to be back here at school! If you remember she is the one who had to go home to Missouri because of her mother's illness, but she is returning this coming semester.
In other news: I love my friends and support here. God has been good in providing amazing 
friends like Leslie, who has been such a great support to me and is so fun to be around. He has provided guy friendships such as Blair (my "husband" for MORPH), Drew, and Logan (who is from Charleston). And other sweet gals like Monica, Jo, and Brianna. And good honest friends like Kimberly and Ashley.
friends like Leslie, who has been such a great support to me and is so fun to be around. He has provided guy friendships such as Blair (my "husband" for MORPH), Drew, and Logan (who is from Charleston). And other sweet gals like Monica, Jo, and Brianna. And good honest friends like Kimberly and Ashley. So that is all for now. I miss all of you and am looking forward to seeing some of you over summer : )
I will write before summer though haha.
Goodnight,
The College Girl
Whoa! God, you talking to me?
Another thing I wrote and gave to the ladies of Walker dorm. Hope it can minister to you also...
“Letting Out the Net”
Tired and disappointed he walked to the water’s edge carrying his net. Lord I can’t do this any more, this pain makes my whole body shake. Today’s work had produced no result, which meant no pay. As Peter lifted his sun burnt face he saw a Man he knew in his boat. God where are you in this? The Man asked Peter to push the boat out in the water. Trusting Him, Peter and his friends pushed their boat out so Jesus could teach to the crowd from the water. Is this just a wasted season of my life? Will I have to feel this pain for many years to come? When the Man had finished speaking to the crowd, Peter began to direct the boat back to shore, but the Man reached for Peter’s arm. I know you are tired, my daughter. God I just don’t understand. Can’t you just take this pain away? Do you remember that night you were distraught and I held you? Remember? My princess, do you believe I can heal you? The Man asked Peter to go out farther so that they might let out their nets. Peter was confused; it was not the time of day to fish. He and his men barely had any more strength in them to get back to shore, much less clean the nets again. He did not understand the Man’s reasoning in His words. Yet still, Peter replied, “Because you say so, I will let down the nets.” God, I just don’t understand. I do not get how you can bring healing when it seems that this is never ending. It frustrates me that you could take this strife from me, but you don’t. God my heart aches so much—can I please just give up! But God, you have promised you would see me through, that you will restore me. So Father, since you say so I trust you. James and John lowered their nets, as Peter told them and in a moment they were struggling with all their might to pull the overflowing nets in the boat. Another boat had to take on one net of fish because Peter’s boat dared to sink with the weight of the huge catch. You see my love I am doing great things in this season of your life. You can’t even imagine the plans I have for you. I know it is not easy right now, but this pain will pass away if you let me have it. Peter and his friends were in awe of the miracle they had just seen. Peter’s scraped and bruised knees hit the bottom of the boat as he told the Man to go away because he, Peter, was sinful man. God, I don’t deserve this love. I don’t deserve to be pursued as tirelessly as you pursue me. Forgive me for not trusting you, and for leaning on my own understanding. Jesus reached down and lifted Peter, telling him to come with Him and be a fisher of men. Peter and his friends guided the boat to shore. Jesus stepped out onto the sand and three sets of feet followed in His path. Child, I love you and I too look forward to the day this wound will be closed. But I also take the same delight in today. Come walk with me as you walk in this hardship.
Lauren Whatley
March 30, 2008
“Letting Out the Net”
Tired and disappointed he walked to the water’s edge carrying his net. Lord I can’t do this any more, this pain makes my whole body shake. Today’s work had produced no result, which meant no pay. As Peter lifted his sun burnt face he saw a Man he knew in his boat. God where are you in this? The Man asked Peter to push the boat out in the water. Trusting Him, Peter and his friends pushed their boat out so Jesus could teach to the crowd from the water. Is this just a wasted season of my life? Will I have to feel this pain for many years to come? When the Man had finished speaking to the crowd, Peter began to direct the boat back to shore, but the Man reached for Peter’s arm. I know you are tired, my daughter. God I just don’t understand. Can’t you just take this pain away? Do you remember that night you were distraught and I held you? Remember? My princess, do you believe I can heal you? The Man asked Peter to go out farther so that they might let out their nets. Peter was confused; it was not the time of day to fish. He and his men barely had any more strength in them to get back to shore, much less clean the nets again. He did not understand the Man’s reasoning in His words. Yet still, Peter replied, “Because you say so, I will let down the nets.” God, I just don’t understand. I do not get how you can bring healing when it seems that this is never ending. It frustrates me that you could take this strife from me, but you don’t. God my heart aches so much—can I please just give up! But God, you have promised you would see me through, that you will restore me. So Father, since you say so I trust you. James and John lowered their nets, as Peter told them and in a moment they were struggling with all their might to pull the overflowing nets in the boat. Another boat had to take on one net of fish because Peter’s boat dared to sink with the weight of the huge catch. You see my love I am doing great things in this season of your life. You can’t even imagine the plans I have for you. I know it is not easy right now, but this pain will pass away if you let me have it. Peter and his friends were in awe of the miracle they had just seen. Peter’s scraped and bruised knees hit the bottom of the boat as he told the Man to go away because he, Peter, was sinful man. God, I don’t deserve this love. I don’t deserve to be pursued as tirelessly as you pursue me. Forgive me for not trusting you, and for leaning on my own understanding. Jesus reached down and lifted Peter, telling him to come with Him and be a fisher of men. Peter and his friends guided the boat to shore. Jesus stepped out onto the sand and three sets of feet followed in His path. Child, I love you and I too look forward to the day this wound will be closed. But I also take the same delight in today. Come walk with me as you walk in this hardship.
Lauren Whatley
March 30, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Another writing
Another thing I wrote and shared with these amazing women I live with. I wasn't able to indent on here like I wanted...so in place I had to use this ___
“The Release”
A sense of relieve,
One I’m unhurried to accept.
Once enticed by still waters,
Their swell did engulf me.
Oh! But what a calm,
How tender the tide rolls.
My eyes do stream at such a joyous deluge,
It was the cork I took off the harbor.
What a flow!
One that did not cease
Serenity was found in the thunderous crash of the blue.
But not preceding—
___________Pounding on my body
___________With power that leaves no mark
___________Trying to push back but to no avail
___________The swell continued beating me, passing to die.
___________I sputtered
___________Inhaling a bitter salt,
___________Surrendered my footing
___________To be carried by the same that had done the thrashing.
And now—
Now is where I can see the beauty.
On the shore,
Sun softly Kissing my outline is where I sit,
At my release.
The water tickles my toes,
But the Warmth spreads my lips over with praise.
Lauren Whatley
March 9, 2008
PSALM 31 (check it out)
Into your hands I commit my spirit…my eyes grow weak with sorrow…I have become broken pottery…But I trust in you…let your face shine on your servant…How great is your goodness…Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city.
March 9, 2008
PSALM 31 (check it out)
Into your hands I commit my spirit…my eyes grow weak with sorrow…I have become broken pottery…But I trust in you…let your face shine on your servant…How great is your goodness…Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
wrote
Hey there,
This is something I wrote this past week and ended up sharing it with my dorm. Hope it can minister to you in some way.
Much love,
The College Girl
“So if you think, you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
This is something I wrote this past week and ended up sharing it with my dorm. Hope it can minister to you in some way.
Much love,
The College Girl
“Emotions”
We walk down the road straight and narrow, my hand in His. The tender touch of His thumb on the back of my hand, I know I am secure. His grip is warm but never too tight. He allows me to let go, but as I do the world goes dark. I can’t see the path and my feet shrink back in fear of what is ahead. My eyes can make out shadows of trees, tall and slim. Other shadows move about swiftly cutting at my calves. The world around is not friendly to me. I look to the trees for comfort, being sure of what they are. But they simply stand tall only swaying in the wind. More shadows dart past some on the right, some to the left. My spirit and mind grow faint. Then a swift movement and I am staring, eyes wide, straight at a shadow. I feel its breath on my slowly moving chest. My spirit only allowing a few paralyzing breathes. My eyes focused on the shadow slowly squint into a crescent and a silent tear glides down my cheek. Another quickly chasing behind as if wanting to run from this but having nowhere to go as it hits the ground before the shadow’s feet. My lips slowly release their embrace and I whisper a soft “Abba”. I feel a familiar touch on my face, my eyes shut. The shadow is no more. I feel myself being gently lifted and then cradled. I can feel the warmth of my rescuer’s chest as my head is held there through the support of His arms. No bone in my body creaks and my eyes are wet but loosely at rest for I know this Comfort. He holds me and I sense the cadence of His step as He walks the path. I feel His lips on my head as He sweetly kisses me, and His hot breath as He whispers, “my child”.
Lauren Whatley
February 25, 2008
We walk down the road straight and narrow, my hand in His. The tender touch of His thumb on the back of my hand, I know I am secure. His grip is warm but never too tight. He allows me to let go, but as I do the world goes dark. I can’t see the path and my feet shrink back in fear of what is ahead. My eyes can make out shadows of trees, tall and slim. Other shadows move about swiftly cutting at my calves. The world around is not friendly to me. I look to the trees for comfort, being sure of what they are. But they simply stand tall only swaying in the wind. More shadows dart past some on the right, some to the left. My spirit and mind grow faint. Then a swift movement and I am staring, eyes wide, straight at a shadow. I feel its breath on my slowly moving chest. My spirit only allowing a few paralyzing breathes. My eyes focused on the shadow slowly squint into a crescent and a silent tear glides down my cheek. Another quickly chasing behind as if wanting to run from this but having nowhere to go as it hits the ground before the shadow’s feet. My lips slowly release their embrace and I whisper a soft “Abba”. I feel a familiar touch on my face, my eyes shut. The shadow is no more. I feel myself being gently lifted and then cradled. I can feel the warmth of my rescuer’s chest as my head is held there through the support of His arms. No bone in my body creaks and my eyes are wet but loosely at rest for I know this Comfort. He holds me and I sense the cadence of His step as He walks the path. I feel His lips on my head as He sweetly kisses me, and His hot breath as He whispers, “my child”.
Lauren Whatley
February 25, 2008
“So if you think, you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Retreat
My retreat was amazing. No one but me and God. I don't think I could even describe it in words, plus I haven't taken the time to write about it. One thing is for sure though my God loves me with an intimate love that surpasses my understanding. He speaks tenderly to my heart and comforts me like no one else can. I wanted to share some pretty cool quotes that a friend sent to me and a couple that I found that weekend. Enjoy! Oh and these are some pictures I took during my retreat.
"There are things to be seen and learned in the apparent wastelands which cannot be seen and learned in places of comfort, convenience, and company. God intends to keep us in a place where
there is nothing else we can count on. Let's not ask for shortcuts. Let's keep alert for the wonders our Guide will show us in the wilderness." --Elizabeth Elliot
"There are things to be seen and learned in the apparent wastelands which cannot be seen and learned in places of comfort, convenience, and company. God intends to keep us in a place where
there is nothing else we can count on. Let's not ask for shortcuts. Let's keep alert for the wonders our Guide will show us in the wilderness." --Elizabeth ElliotAnd only heaven is better than to walk with Christ at midnight, over moonless seas. He is indeed enough. He is not all we would ask for, if we were honest, but it is precisely when we do not have what we would ask for, and only then, that we can clearly perceive His all-sufficiency. It is when the sea is moonless that the Lord has become my Light.--Amy Carmichael 
We receive enlightenment only in porportion to when we give ourselves more and more completely to God in humble submission and love. --Thomas Burton
I know of no more staggering and humbling truth than that a sovereign God has ordained my participation. --Elizabeth Elliot
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